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St. Teresa of Avila
The Way of Perfection
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The Way of Perfection
CHAPTER 15 - Treats of the great advantage which comes from our not excusing ourselves, even though we find we are unjustly condemned.
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CHAPTER
15
-
Treats
of the
great
advantage
which
comes
from our not
excusing
ourselves, even though we
find
we are
unjustly
condemned
.
But how
disconnectedly
I am
writing
! I am
just
like a
person
who does not
know
what she is
doing
. It is your
fault
,
sisters
, for I am
doing
this at your
command
.
Read
it as
best
you can, for I am
writing
it as
best
I can, and, if it is too
bad
,
burn
it. I
really
need
leisure
, and, as you
see
, I have so
little
opportunity
for
writing
that a
week
passes
without my
putting
down a
word
, and so I
forget
what I have
said
and what I am
going
to
say
next. Now what I have
just
been
doing
-- namely,
excusing
myself -- is very
bad
for me, and I
beg
you not to
copy
it, for to
suffer
without
making
excuses
is a
habit
of
great
perfection
, and very
edifying
and
meritorious
; and, though I often
teach
you this, and by
God
's
goodness
you
practise
it, His
Majesty
has never
granted
this
favour
to me.
May
He be
pleased
to
bestow
it on me before I
die
.
I am
greatly
confused
as I begin to
urge
this
virtue
upon you, for I
ought
myself to have
practised
at least something of what I am
recommending
you with
regard
to it: but actually I must
confess
I have made very
little
progress
. I never seem
unable
to
find
a
reason
for
thinking
I am
being
virtuous
when I make
excuses
for myself. There are
times
when this is
lawful
, and when not to do it would be
wrong
, but I have not the
discretion
(or,
better
, the
humility
) to do it only when
fitting
. For, indeed, it
takes
great
humility
to
find
oneself
unjustly
condemned
and be
silent
, and to do this is to
imitate
the
Lord
Who
set
us
free
from all our
sins
. I
beg
you, then, to
study
earnestly
to do so, for it
brings
great
gain
; whereas I can
see
no
gain
in our
trying
to
free
ourselves from
blame
: none whatever --
save
, as I
say
, in a few
cases
where
hiding
the
truth
might
cause
offence
or
scandal
. Anyone will
understand
this who has more
discretion
than I.
I
think
it is very
important
to
accustom
oneself
to
practise
this
virtue
and to
endeavour
to
obtain
from the
Lord
the
true
humility
which must
result
from it. The
truly
humble
person
will have a
genuine
desire
to be
thought
little
of, and
persecuted
, and
condemned
unjustly
, even in
serious
matters
. For, if she
desires
to
imitate
the
Lord
, how can she do so
better
than in this? And no
bodily
strength
is
necessary
here, nor the
aid
of anyone
save
God
.
These are
great
virtues
, my
sisters
, and I should like us to
study
them
closely
, and to make them our
penance
. As you
know
, I
deprecate
[other
severe
and]
excessive
penances
, which, if
practised
indiscreetly
,
may
injure
the
health
. Here, however, there is no
cause
for
fear
; for, however
great
the
interior
virtues
may
be, they do not
weaken
the
body
so that it cannot
serve
the
Order
, while at the same
time
they
strengthen
the
soul
; and,
furthermore
, they can be
applied
to very
little
things
, and thus, as I have
said
on other
occasions
, they
accustom
one to
gain
great
victories
in very
important
matters
. I have not, however, been
able
to
test
this
particular
thing
myself, for I never
heard
anything
bad
said
of me which I did not
clearly
realize
fell
short
of the
truth
. If I had not sometimes -- often, indeed --
offended
God
in the
ways
they
referred
to, I had done so in many others, and I
felt
they had
treated
me
far
too
indulgently
in
saying
nothing about these: I much
preferred
people
to
blame
me for what was not
true
than to
tell
the
truth
about me. For I
disliked
hearing
things
that were
true
said
about me, whereas these other
things
, however
serious
they were, I did not
mind
at all. In
small
matters
I
followed
my own
inclinations
, and I still do so, without
paying
any
affection
to what is most
perfect
. So I should like you to begin to
realize
this at an
early
stage
, and I
want
each of you to
ponder
how much there is to be
gained
in every
way
by this
virtue
, and how, so
far
as I can
see
, there is nothing to be
lost
by it. The
chief
thing
we
gain
is
being
able
, in some
degree
, to
follow
the
Lord
.
It is a
great
help
to
meditate
upon the
great
gain
which in any
case
this is
bound
to
bring
us, and to
realize
how,
properly
speaking
, we can never be
blamed
unjustly
, since we are always
full
of
faults
, and a
just
man
falls
seven
times
a
day
,
44
so that it would be a
falsehood
for us to
say
we have no
sin
. If, then, we are not to
blame
for the
thing
that we are
accused
of, we are never
wholly
without
blame
in the
way
that our
good
Jesus
was.
Oh
, my
Lord
! When I
think
in how many
ways
Thou
didst
suffer
, and in all of them
undeservedly
, I
know
not what to
say
for myself, or what I can have been
thinking
about when I
desired
not to
suffer
, or what I am
doing
when I make
excuses
for myself. Thou
knowest
, my
Good
, that if there is anything
good
in me it
comes
from no other
hands
than Thine own. For what is it to Thee,
Lord
, to
give
much instead of
little
?
True
, I do not
deserve
it, but neither have I
deserved
the
favours
which Thou hast
shown
me already. Can it be that I should
wish
a
thing
so
evil
as myself to be
thought
well of by anyone, when they have
said
such
wicked
things
of Thee, Who
art
good
above all other
good
? It is
intolerable
, my
God
, it is
intolerable
; nor would I that Thou
shouldst
have to
tolerate
anything
displeasing
in Thine
eyes
being
found in Thy
handmaiden
. For
see
,
Lord
,
mine
eyes
are
blind
and very
little
pleases
them. Do Thou
give
me
light
and make me
truly
to
desire
that all should
hate
me, since I have so often
left
Thee, Who hast
loved
me with such
faithfulness
.
What is this, my
God
? What
advantage
do we
think
to
gain
from
giving
pleasure
to
creatures
? What does it
matter
to us if we are
blamed
by them all,
provided
we are without
blame
in the
sight
of the
Lord
?
Oh
, my
sisters
we shall never
succeed
in
understanding
this
truth
and we shall never
attain
perfection
unless we
think
and
meditate
upon what is
real
and upon what is not. If there were no other
gain
than the
confusion
which will be
felt
by the
person
who has
blamed
you when she
sees
that you have
allowed
yourselves to be
condemned
unjustly
, that would be a very
great
thing
. Such an
experience
uplifts
the
soul
more than
ten
sermons
. And we must all
try
to be
preachers
by our
deeds
, since both the
Apostle
and our own
lack
of
ability
forbid
us to be
preachers
in
word
.
Never
suppose
that either the
evil
or the
good
that you do will
remain
secret
, however
strict
may
be your
enclosure
. Do you
suppose
,
daughter
, that, if you do not make
excuses
for yourself, there will not be someone else who will
defend
you?
Remember
how the
Lord
took
the
Magdalen
's
part
in the
Pharisee
's
house
and also when her
sister
blamed
her. He will not
treat
you as
rigorously
as He
treated
Himself: it was not until He was on the
Cross
that He had even a
thief
to
defend
Him. His
Majesty
, then, will
put
it into
somebody
's
mind
to
defend
you; if He does not, it will be because there is no
need
. This I have myself
seen
, and it is a
fact
, although I should not like you to
think
too much of it, but rather to be
glad
when you are
blamed
, and in
due
time
you will
see
what
profit
you
experience
in your
souls
. For it is in this
way
that you will begin to
gain
freedom
;
soon
you will not
care
if they
speak
ill
or well of you; it will seem like someone else's
business
. It will be as if
two
persons
are
talking
in your
presence
and you are
quite
uninterested
in what they are
saying
because you are not actually
being
addressed
by them. So here: it becomes such a
habit
with us not to
reply
that it seems as if they are not
addressing
us at all. This
may
seem
impossible
to those of us who are very
sensitive
and not
capable
of
great
mortification
. It is indeed
difficult
at first, but I
know
that, with the
Lord
's
help
, the
gradual
attainment
of this
freedom
, and of
renunciation
and
self-detachment
, is
quite
possible
.
44
Proverbs
xxiv
,
16
.
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