Buddhism and Daily Life 

A follower of the Buddha learns to view life realistically which enables him to adjust to everything that comes his way. Buddhism tells him the meaning and purpose of existence and his place in the scheme of things. It suggests the lines of conduct, supported by cogent reasons, by which be should live his daily life. It clarifies what his attitude should be to specific matters like self, job, sex and society. Thus it assists him in the business of living, for to lead a full life four fundamental adjustments have to be made. He must be happily adjusted to himself and the world, his occupation, his family and his fellow beings. 

(a) Himself and The World 

A Buddhist tries to see things as they really are. He remembers the instability of everything and understands the inherent danger in expecting to find permanence in existence. In this way, he strives to insulate himself from potential disappointments. So, a discerning lay Buddhist is not unduly elated nor upset by the eight worldly conditions of gain and loss, honour and dishonour, praise and blame, pleasure and pain. He does not expect too much from others, nor from life, and recognises that it is only human to have one's share of life's ups and downs. 

He looks at life's events in terms of cause and effect, however unpleasant or painful they may be. An understanding layman accepts dukkha as the results of his own kamma - probably, a past unskilful (akusala) action ripening in the present. 

He sees the connection between craving and suffering and therefore tries reduce both the intensity and variety. As the Dhammapada states: 

From craving springs grief, from craving springs fear, 
For him who is wholly free from craving, there is no grief - whence fear? 

Therefore, he is mindful of a scale of values - knowing clearly what is really important to him as a Buddhist layman, what is desirable but not so important, and what is trivial. He tries to eliminate the non - essential and learns to be content with the essential. Such a person soon discovers that to need less is to live better and happier. It is a mark of maturity. It is progress on the path to inner freedom. 

One should wisely seek and carefully choose in one's actions and strive to maintain a Buddhist standard of conduct whatever disappointments life may bring. And when disappointments come, one tries to look at them with some degree of detachment, standing as it were apart from them. In this way, a person gains a feeling of inner security and frees himself from fears, anxieties and many other heavy burdens. This attitude to life and the world brings courage and confidence. 

How does a lay Buddhist view himself? In the Buddha Dhamma, the human being is an impersonal combination of ever-changing mind and matter. In the flux is found no unchanging soul or eternal principle. The self or soul is then a piece of fiction invented by the human mind. To believe in such an absurdity is to create another source of unhappiness. 

One should therefore see oneself as one truly is - a conflux of mind and matter energised by tanhã or craving, containing immense possibilities for both good and evil, neither overestimating nor underestimating one's capacities and capabilities. One must also take care to recognise one's limitations and not pretend that they do not exist. It is simply a matter of accepting what one is, and deciding to make the most of oneself. With this determination one's position in this world will be decided by one's efforts And every one has a place however humble it may be, and a contribution to make as well. 

Seeing that no two are alike, physically or psychologically, in the light of kamma, a wise person should therefore, avoid comparing himself with others. Such profitless comparison can only lead to unnecessary sorrow and suffering. If he thinks that he is better than others, he may become proud and conceited and develop a superior feeling - of an inflated "I". If the person thinks he is worse than others, he is liable to develop an inferior feeling - of a deflated "I", and to withdraw from the realities and responsibilities of life. If he considers that he is equal to others, there is likelihood of stagnation and disinclination to further effort and progress. 

So, instead of keeping pace with, or outdoing others, socially, financially and in other ways, the understanding layman proceeds to do something more useful. He decides to take stock of himself, to know himself, his true nature in all aspects, as a first step to improving it: the secular (such as his physical, mental emotional qualities), the moral and the spiritual, through careful self-examination and observation, by past performance, and by the candid comments of sincere friends. Seeing himself as a whole, he plans for life as a whole in the context of the Noble Eightfold Path. Such a plan when drawn up will include all important events of a normal layman's life including occupation marriage and old age. Lay happiness and security lies then in finding out exactly what one can do and in actually doing it. 

A plan like this brings order into an otherwise aimless and meaningless life, prevents drift and indicates the right direction and drive. A thoughtful lay Buddhist will not simply do what others do. He can resist the pull of the crowd when necessary. He is ever mindful both of ends pursued and the means employed. He does not merely go through life aimlessly; he goes, knowing clearly where he wants to go, with a purpose and a plan based on reality. 

To be born as a human being is hard, but made easier in a Buddha Era -- that is an age when His teachings are still remembered and practised. The more reason then why a lay Buddhist should consciously direct his life for purposeful living with a right end, by right endeavour, to a right plan; this is the quintessence of Buddha's teaching 

(b) Earning a Living 

Men work to satisfy the primary or basic urges of hunger, thirst and sex as well a host of secondary wants and desires created by a commercial civilization such as ours. 

The Buddha's teaching is a teaching of diligence and right effort or exertion. The opposite of diligence is negligence -  aimless drift, sloth and laziness which are hindrances to both material and moral progress. It is the active man who lives purposefully, who blesses the world with wealth and wisdom. So work is essential for happy living. Life without work would be an eternal holiday which is the hell of boredom. 

A large part of our waking life is spent in earning a living. So it is easy to appreciate why we should be at least moderately happy in our job. But choosing a suitable career, like choosing a marriage partner, is one of the most important yet one of the most difficult tasks in life. 

The economic aspect of a community profoundly affects its other aspects. The Buddha says that society, as with all conditioned phenomena, has no finality of form and therefore changes with the passage of time. The mainsprings of social change are ideology and economics - for men are driven to action by beliefs and desires. Some systems emphasise  the latter; the Buddha the former for an economic structure can only influence but never determine man's thought. 

Man must live and the means of his livelihood are matters of his greatest concern. A hungry man is an angry man. And a man poisoned by discontent is hardly in a fit frame of mind to develop his moral and spiritual life. The spirit may be willing but the flesh may prove to be weak. Unemployment and economic insecurity lead to tension, irritability, and loss of self-respect without which a healthy mental life is impossible. And one of the essential needs of a man is to feel he is wanted in the world. 

Of human rights the right of work should, therefore, be assured to all, as a pre-requisite for the good life. It is the duty of the state to uphold justice, and provide for the material and spiritual welfare of its subjects. 

While Buddhism recognises that bread is essential for existence, it also stresses that man does not live by bread alone. This is not all. How he earns and why he does it are equally relevant. He should not gain a living by methods detrimental to the welfare of living beings - anãkulã ca kammantã, "a peaceful occupation", as the Discourse on Blessings (Maha-Mangala Sutta) has it. So the Buddha forbade five kinds of trade to a lay Buddhist, and refraining from them constitutes Right Livelihood, the seventh step of the Path. They are: trading in arms, human beings, flesh (including the breeding of of animals for slaughter), intoxicants and harmful drugs, and poisons. These trades add to the already existing suffering in the world 

Economic activity should also be regarded as a means to an end - the end being the full development of man himself. Work should serve men, not enslave him. He should not be so preoccupied with the business (or, busy-mess, to be more accurate) of earning a living that he has no time to live. While income and wealth through righteous means will bring satisfaction and lay happiness, the mere accumulation of riches for their own sake will only lead to unbridled acquisitiveness and self-indulgence resulting later in physical and mental suffering. The enjoyment of wealth implies not merely its use for one's own happiness but also the giving for the welfare of others as well. 

The Buddha further says that the progress, prosperity and happiness of a lay person depends on hard and steady effort - rather discouraging, no doubt, to many people who want something for nothing. Efficiency in work, be it high or humble, makes a useful contribution to the production of socially desirable goods and services. It gives one's work meaning and interest, besides enabling one to support oneself and one's family in comfort. Conservation and improvement of one's resources and talents, acquired or inherited, with balanced living, living within one's income, ensuring freedom from debt is a sure indicator of right seeing or understanding. Lastly, a blameless moral and spiritual life should be the aim of right livelihood. 

Life is one and indivisible, and the working life a part of the whole. The man who is unhappy at work is unhappy at home, too. Unhappiness spreads. Likewise, business life is part of life. The Dhamma of the Blessed one should therefore pervade and permeate one's entire life for only wealth rooted in righteous endeavour can yield true happiness. 

(c) Bringing up a Family 

In the Mahã Mangala Sutta the Buddha teaches us that: 

Mother and father well supporting, 
Wife and children duly cherishing, 
Types of work unconflicting, 
This, the Highest Blessing. 

The essentials of happy family life are then a partnership of two parents with common aims, attitudes and ideals who love, respect, and trust each other; who love and understand their children, on whom they, in turn, can depend for the same treatment and sound guidance grounded on true values, living by Right Livelihood, and supporting aged parents. In Buddhism, however, marriage is not a compulsory institution for all lay followers. It is optional. This brings us to the important question of sex. 

The sex instinct is a powerful impersonal impulse or force in us all to ensure the preservation of the race. Nature, to make sure of its objective, made the the reproductive act of sexual union highly pleasurable so that it is inevitably sought by the individual for its own sake. There is no special mating season for humans, and males and females may find that they are physically attracted at any time. 
 

Sex is an essential part of life. In some form or other it affects us every day, and often ends in choosing a partner for life. It can make or mar a householder's life. 
 

What is the Buddhist attitude to sex? For a lay person, there is nothing sinful or shameful in sex, nor does it carry lifelong burdens of guilt. Sexual desire, in its personal aspect, is just like another form of craving and as craving, leads to suffering. Sexual desire, too, must be controlled and finally totally eradicated. This happiness² arises only at the third stage of Sainthood, that of Anãgãmi. When a lay Buddhist becomes an Anãgãmi, he leads a celibate life. 
 

But sexual behaviour, in its social context, demands mindfulness of the fact that at least one other person's happiness is at stake and possibly, that of another - a potential child. And children born of premarital relations when deprived and unwanted, often develop into juvenile delinquents. Besides, pre-marital sex may carry with it the risks of venereal infection. A compassionate Buddhist, mindful of his own and others' welfare, acts wisely and responsibly in sexual matters. Misconduct for a layman means sexual union with the wives of others or those under protection of father, mother, sister, brother or guardian, including one's employees. 
 

Adolescence is a period of stress and strain. It is at this time that the sex instinct becomes active, and sensible parents should guide and help their children to adjust to the changes. This sexual energy could be diverted not merely to outdoor games and sports, but also to creative activities like hand work, gardening and other constructive activities. 
 

It is not easy for an unmarried adult to practise sexual self-restraint till such time as he is able to marry. No doubt he lives in a sex-drenched commercial civilisation where sex is seen, heard, sensed and thought of most of the time. But the ideal of sex only within marriage is something worth aiming at. The Buddhist's ultimate objective is, after all, to be a Perfect Man - not a perfect beast. And a start has to be made some day, somewhere - and now is the best time for it. 
 

At all times in a man's life, it is mind that dominates man's actions. It is mind that makes one what one is. There is no doubt about this. Truly, it is an encouraging fact - one tends to become what one wants to be. And, if one wishes to be chaste, one can be. One's life will then move irresistably in the direction of its fulfilment. 
 

Much can be done by sublimating the instinct by diverting the energy in the sex impulse into other activities. Developing an occupational interest or hobbies or sports can divert the mind and provide suitable outlets. Moderation in eating is helpful. But what is most important is the guarding of thoughts regarding all sexual matters. One must also avoid situations and stimuli likely to excite sexual desires³ When sensual desires do arise, the following methods may be tried: 

(i) Mindfully note the presence of such thoughts without delay; when they tend to arise, merely notice then, without allowing yourself to be carried away by these thoughts. 

(ii) Simply neglect such thoughts, turning your mind either to beneficial thoughts or to an activity that absorbs you. 

(iii) Reflect on the possible end results.

Steps should also be taken to foster and maintain all that is wholesome, as for instance, wise friendship, and keeping oneself usefully occupied at all times. If one has succeeded in meditative practice, the happiness derived from it will be a powerful counter-force against sexual desires. 

This mindfulness is the only way the achieve self-mastery. It is a hard fight requiring patient and persistent practice; nevertheless, it is a fight worth waging and a goal worth winning. 

(d) Social Relationships 

A lay Buddhist lives in society. He must adjust himself to other people to get on smoothly with them. Human relationships - the education of the emotions - are the fourth R in education and play an important part in everyday life. So instead of keeping pace with, or outdoing others, socially, financially and in other ways, the understanding layman proceeds to do something more useful. Happiness and security then lie in finding out exactly what one can do, and in doing it well. 

The lay person who practises morality (sila) by reason of his virtue, gives peace of mind to those around him. He controls his deeds and words by following the third, fourth and fifth steps of the noble Eightfold  Path, namely Right Speech, Right Action and Right Livelihood or by observing the Five Precepts (Pañ ca Sila). 

Such regulated behaviour flows from proper understanding of the Buddhist doctrine of kamma, that a man is what he is because of action and the result of action. If one is genuinely trying to tread the path, one's daily life should reflect it. So, the Buddhist avoids killing living beings, stealing, sexual misconduct, drugs, intoxicants and harmful lying, tale-bearing, harsh words and idle talk. 

The Buddha's attitude towards stupefying drugs and intoxicants is clear and simple: complete abstinence from both. And why? The immediate aim of a Buddhist layman is happiness and security, here and now - in the present existence, while his distant objective is the lasting peace and security of Nibbãna and, therewith, freedom from repeated births and deaths, with their attendant frustrations, disappointments and the pain of temporal life. Now, the one and only tool he has at his disposal to achieve both of these goals is the weapon of the mind, which, under the wise guidance of the Master's teaching, he gradually learns to use with skill, without ill to himself or to others. And one of the best ways of impairing the efficiency of this precious mental instrument -   to make it dull and blunt, is to partake of intoxicating drinks and drugs. Even when taken in moderation they have a pernicious influence on the mind and on the body, as well as on the character and the moral qualities. Under their baneful effects, mind becomes confused, and the drinker finds it difficult to distinguish between right and wrong, good and bad, the true and the false. Such a person, then, wrongs himself, wrongs those who live with him, and wrongs society at large. On the other hand, he who faithfully follows the Buddha's advice and abstains completely from the use of all intoxicants and harmful drugs, is always sober in mind, and is therefore able to exercise physical, mental and moral control. Such a one has always a clear mind and can easily understand what is going on within, and also without, one's mind. 

But what of a Buddhist who, as a rule, refrains from alcoholic drinks and drugs, but occasionally finds himself placed in a delicate situation such as when offered an intoxicating drink at a party given by his superior or at an important occasion? Should he accept or refuse? .At least two possible courses are open to him: he could politely decline excusing himself on medical grounds (which are justifiable), and ask instead for a non-alcoholic drink; or alternatively, he could take the unwanted drink, mindfully noting what is taking place, and impress on his mind that even a single deviation from the ideal of total abstinence is to open the way, even temporarily, to heedlessness, recklessness and mental confusion. Alcohol does impair the ability to think clearly, to decide wisely, and to perform any work of an exacting nature. If a Buddhist layman, while aiming at absolute perfection occasionally lapses, and is content with approximations, he is free to do so - but at his own grave peril. 

Positively, the Buddhist layman is kind and compassionate to all, honest and upright, pure and chaste, sober and heedful in mind. He speaks only that which is true in accordance with facts, sweet, peaceable and helpful. Morality is a fence that protects us from the poisons of the outer world. It is, therefore, a pre-requisite for higher spiritual aspirations and through it character shines. The development of personality on such lines results in charm, tact and tolerance - essential qualities to adjust oneself to society,. and to get on well with other people. 

In the Sigãlovãda Sutta, the Buddha explained to young Sigãla the reciprocal relationships that should exist among the members of a society. They are worth mentioning in brief; parents have to look after their children, and guide and educate them; children have to respect their parents, perform their duties and maintain family traditions;. teachers must train and instruct pupils in the proper way; and pupils in turn must be diligent and dutiful; a husband should be kind, loyal and respectful to his wife, supply her needs and give her due place in the home, and she in return should be faithful, understanding, efficient, industrious and economical in the performance of her duties; friends should be generous, sincere, kindly and helpful to one another, and a sheltering tree in time of need; employers must be considerate to their employees, give adequate wages, ensure satisfactory conditions of work and service and they, in return, must work honestly, efficiently and be loyal to their masters; the laity should support and sustain the monks and other holy men who in turn should discourage them to do evil, encourage them to do good, expound the teaching and show the way to happiness. 

Buddhist morality is grounded on both, thought and' feeling. A Buddhist monk does social service when he himself, while not engaging in the worldly life, so teaches the Dhamma that he makes the lay followers better Buddhists, and thereby, induces them to take to social work which is an ideal practical form of the Four Sublime States, Loving Kindness, Compassion., Sympathetic Joy and Equanimity, besides their practice of these at the meditational levels. They should be the four cornerstones of genuine lay Buddhist life. The Four Sublime States form the foundation of individual and social peace, and combine in them the realism of human nature and the idealism of youth to work for social betterment out of natural sympathy and concern for fellow-beings. 

But social work to be of real value should spring from genuine love, sympathy and understandinug for fellow-men, guided by knowledge and training. It is the 1iving expression of Buddhist brotherhood.. 

The cultivation or the neglect of these duties is a matter for each one of us, but their promotion will undoubtedly foster healthier inter-personal relationships, decrease social tension and irritability, and appreciably increase social good, stability and harmony.