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Honoré de Balzac
The atheist's mass

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XIV

"I alone followed him to the grave. When I had laid my only

benefactor to rest, I looked about to see how I could pay my debt

to him; I found he had neither family nor friends, neither wife

nor child. But he believed. He had a religious conviction; had I

any right to dispute it? He had spoken to me timidly of masses

said for the repose of the dead; he would not impress it on me as

a duty, thinking that it would be a form of repayment for his

services. As soon as I had money enough I paid to Saint-Sulpice

the requisite sum for four masses every year. As the only thing I

can do for Bourgeat is thus to satisfy his pious wishes, on the

days when that mass is said, at the beginning of each season of

the year, I go for his sake and say the required prayers; and I

say with the good faith of a sceptic--'Great God, if there is a

sphere which Thou hast appointed after death for those who have

been perfect, remember good Bourgeat; and if he should have

anything to suffer, let me suffer it for him, that he may enter

all the sooner into what is called Paradise.'

 

"That, my dear fellow, is as much as a man who holds my opinions

can allow himself. But God must be a good fellow; He cannot owe

me any grudge. I swear to you, I would give my whole fortune if

faith such as Bourgeat's could enter my brain."

 

Bianchon, who was with Desplein all through his last illness,

dares not affirm to this day that the great surgeon died an

atheist. Will not those who believe like to fancy that the humble

Auvergnat came to open the gate of Heaven to his friend, as he

did that of the earthly temple on whose pediment we read the

words--"A grateful country to its great men."

 

PARIS, January 1836.

 

 




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