4.1. The two phases

The first phase, the negative one, implies the hard work of renunciation, knowing how to say “no” to certain instinctive expectations.  The subject must learn to oppose them because he experiences them as out of line with his identity and inner truth, with what he wants to realize and become (he experiences them as egoalien not egosyntonic); he puts up with them and does everything to keep them under control and not be dependent on them. He does not recognize himself in them.

At the same time, or in a second positive phase, he grasps in this contrast a basic meaning of life and of the formation journey.  Or, he uses it to recognize his poverty before God and others, in order to experience that mercy which is at the beginning of life and of every relationship, in order  not to think himself better than anyone and to be able to take on others’ infirmities, so as not to take himself too seriously and be freed from narcissistic manias…

And if, in spite of his efforts he finds again and recognizes the root of his evil still within, he not only accepts his powerlessness, but even sees in it a mysterious presence of the power of Grace.  His is not, in fact, a passive, comfortable acceptance of someone who experiences no internal tension and is at peace in his mediocrity, nor the narcissistic anger of one who – alas – has found he is weak and poor, but the grateful and intense experience of one who above all has struggled with this selfishness and has progressively been freed from his (self) perfectionist dreams, becoming increasingly space free for God, the thrice holy One; finally, inhabitable by Him who can do great things in one who has been emptied of his ego, the God who is all-powerful in those who have experienced their own powerlessness!

At this point that poverty, suffered and fought against, and now inhabited, is integrated or discovered as rich in meaning, absolutely not to be thrown out.  Rather, it becomes ever more useful to a formation plan, has an enormous liberating value, becomes an inescapable check-point and trustworthy proof of the authenticity of the journey; it is like a constant presence that serves to recall something that can never in any way be forgotten nor put in parentheses. When that young man now in formation will be an apostle some tomorrow, he will proclaim the gospel of mercy not like a doctor of the law, or a superman of the spirit who only has to teach others, but as a “wounded healer”, with full and painful awareness of his weakness, with the convincing power of one who has experienced firsthand the greatness and abundance of forgiveness, sign of a love that has preceded him and chosen him, and by a fortune not measured according to his merits. It will be like a continual integration in a process of ongoing formation whose point of arrival is the attitude of Paul who boasts of his weaknesses. (cf 2 Cor 12:10)