[9] At length it occurred to Jove that
while ordinary persons are staying in the senate-house it is not permitted to
express an opinion nor to argue. “I had allowed you to ask questions, Conscript
Fathers,” he said, “but you have brought out simply rubbish. I want you to
observe the rules of the Senate. What will this person, whoever he is, think of
us?”
When the said individual had been sent out, Father Janus
was the first to be asked his opinion. He had been elected afternoon consul for
the first of July, being a very shrewd man, who always sees at once both
forward and backward. He spoke at some length, and fluently, because he
lives in the Forum; but the stenographer could not follow, and therefore I do
not report him, for fear of misquoting what he said. He said a good deal about
the importance of the gods, and that this honor ought
not to be given commonly. “Once,” said he, “it was a great thing to be made a
god, but now you have made the distinction a farce. And so lest my remarks seem
to be dealing with personalities rather than with the case, I move that from
this day forward no one shall be made a god, from among all those who eat
the fruit of the corn-land or those whom the fruitful corn-land
feeds. Whoever contrary to this decree of the Senate shall be made, called, or
depicted as a god, is to be given to the hobgoblins, and to get a thrashing
among the newly hired gladiators at the next show.”
The next to be asked his opinion was Diespiter the
son of Vica Porta, who was
himself also a consul-elect, and a money-changer; by this business he supported
himself, and he was accustomed to sell citizenships in a small way. Hercules
approached him politely and gave him an admonitory touch on the ear.
Accordingly he expressed his opinion in these words: “Whereas the divine
Claudius is by blood related to the divine Augustus and no less also to the
divine Augusta, his grandmother, who was made a goddess by his own orders, and
whereas he far surpasses all mortals in wisdom, and it is for the public
interest that there be some one who can join Romulus in ‘eating of boiling
hot-turnips,’ I move that from this day the divine Claudius be a god, with
title equally as good as that of any one who has been made so before him, and
that this event be added to the Metamorphoses of Ovid.”
The opinions were various, and Claudius seemed to be winning the vote. For
Hercules, who saw that his iron was in the fire, kept running to this one and
that one, saying, “Don’t go back on me; this is my personal affair. And then if
you want anything, I’ll do it in my turn. One hand washes the other.”
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