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| Peter Abelard The story of my misfortunes IntraText CT - Text |
CHAPTER XII
OF THE PERSECUTION DIRECTED AGAINST HIM BY SUNDRY NEW ENEMIES OR, AS IT WERE
APOSTLES
AND so I dwelt in this place, my body indeed hidden
away, but my fame spreading throughout the whole world, till its echo
reverberated mightily—echo, that fancy of the poet's, which has so great a
voice, and nought beside. My former rivals, seeing that they themselves were
now powerless to do me hurt, stirred up against me certain new apostles in whom
the world put great faith. One of these (Norbert of Prémontré) took pride in
his position as canon of a regular order; the other (Bernard of Clairvaux) made
it his boast that he bad revived the true monastic life. These two ran hither
and yon preaching and shamelessly slandering me in every way they could, so
that in time they succeeded in drawing down on my head the scorn of many among
those having authority, among both the clergy and the laity. They spread abroad
such sinister reports of my faith as well as of my life that they turned even
my best friends against me, and those who still retained something of their
former regard for me were fain to disguise it in every possible way by reason
of their fear of these two men.
God is my witness that whensoever I learned of the convening of a new
assemblage of the clergy, I believed that it was done for the express purpose
of my condemnation. Stunned by this fear like one smitten with a thunderbolt, I
daily expected to be dragged before their councils or assemblies as a heretic
or one guilty of impiety. Though I seem to compare a flea with a lion, or an
ant with an elephant, in very truth my rivals persecuted me no less bitterly
than the heretics of old hounded St. Athanasius. Often, God knows, I sank so
deep in despair that I was ready to leave the world of Christendom and go forth
among the heathen, paying them a stipulated tribute in order that I might live
quietly a Christian life among the enemies of Christ. It seemed to me that such
people might indeed be kindly disposed toward me, particularly as they would
doubtless suspect me of being no good Christian, imputing my flight to some
crime I had committed, and would therefore believe that I might perhaps be won
over to their form of worship.