THE EIGHTH NOVELL

 

  IN JUST SCORNE OF SUCH UNSIGHTLY AND ILL-PLEASING SURLY SLUTS, WHO

             IMAGINE NONE TO BE FAIRE OR WELL-FAVOURED, BUT

                              THEMSELVES

 

  Fresco da Celatico, counselled and advised his Neece Cesca: That

if such as deserved to be looked on, were offensive to her eyes, as

she had often told him; she should forbeare to looke on any.

 

  All the while as Philostratus was recounting his Novell; it

seemed, that the Ladies (who heard it) found themselves much mooved

thereat, as by the wanton blood mounting up into their cheekes, it

plainly appeared.

  But in the end, looking on each other with strange behaviour, they

could not forbeare smiling: which the Queene interrupting by a command

of attention, turning to Madame Aemillia, willed her to follow next.

When she, puffing and blowing, as if she had bene newly awaked from

sleepe, began in this manner.

  Faire Beauties; My thoughts having wandred a great distance hence,

and further then I can easily collect them together againe; in

obedience yet to our Queene, I shall report a much shorter Novell,

then otherwise (perhappes) I should have done, if my minde had beene a

little neerer home. I shall tell you the grosse fault of a foolish

Damosell, well corrected by a witty reprehension of her Unckle; if

shee had bin endued but with so much sence, as to have understood it.

  An honest man, named Fresco da Celatico, had a good fulsom wench

to his Neece, who for her folly and squemishnes, was generally

called Cesta, or nice Francesca. And althogh she had stature

sufficient, yet none of the handsomest, and a good hard favourd

countenance, nothing nere such Angelical beauties as we have seen; yet

she was endued with such height of minde, and so proud an opinion of

her selfe, that it appeared as a custome bred in hir, or rather a gift

bestowed on hir by nature (thogh none of the best) to blame and

despise both men and women, yea whosoever she lookt on; without any

consideration of her self, she being as unsightly, ill shaped, and

ugly faced, as a worse was very hardly to be found.

  Nothing could be done at any time, to yeilde her liking or

content: moreover, she was so waspish, nice and squemish, that when

she cam into the royall Court of France, it was hatefull and

contemptible to hir. Whensoever she went through the streets, every

thing stunke and was noisome to her; so that she never did any thing

but stop her nose; as if all men or women she met withall; and

whatsoever else she lookt on, were stinking and offensive. But let

us leave all further relation of her ill conditions, being every way

(indeed) so bad, and hardly becomming any sensible body, that we

cannot condemne them so much as we should.

  It chanced upon a day, that shee comming home to the house where her

Unckle dwelt, declared her wonted scurvy and scornfull behaviour;

swelling, puffing, and pouting extreamly, in which humor she sat downe

by her Unckle, who desiring to know what had displeased her, said. Why

how now Francesca? what may the meaning of this bee? This being a

solemne festivall day, what is the reason of your so soone returning

home? She coily biting the lip, and brideling her head, as if she

had bene some mans best Gelding, sprucely thus replyed.

  Indeede you say true Unckle, I am come home verie earely, because,

since the day of my birth, I never saw a City so pestered with

unhandsome people, both men and women, and worse this high Holyday,

then ever I did observe before. I walked thorow some store of

streetes, and I could not see one proper man: and as for the women,

they are the most mishapen and ugly creatures, that, if God had made

me such an one, I should be sory that ever I was borne. And being no

longer able to endure such unpleasing sights; you wil not thinke

(Unckle) in what an anger I am come home. Fresco, to whome these

stinking qualities of his Neece seemed so unsufferable, that hee could

not (with patience) endure them any longer, thus short and quickely

answered. Francesca, if all people of our Citie (both men and women)

be so odious in thy eyes, and offensive to thy nose, as thou hast

often reported to me: bee advised then by my counsell. Stay stil at

home, and look upon none but thy selfe onely, and then thou shalt be

sure that they cannot displease thee. But shee, being as empty of

wit as a pith-lesse Cane, and yet thought her judgement to exceed

Salomons, could not understand the lest part of hir Unkles meaning,

but stood as senselesse as a sheepe. Onely she replyed, that she would

resort to some other parts of the country, which if shee found as

weakly furnished of handsome people, as heere shee did, shee would

conceive better of her selfe, then ever she had done before.