THE THIRD NOVELL

 

   SERVING AS A FRIENDLY ADVERTISEMENT TO MARRIED WOMEN, THAT MONKS,

         FRIARS, AND PRIESTS MAY BE NONE OF THEIR GOSSIPS, IN

              REGARD OF UNAVOYDABLE PERILLES ENSUING THEREBY

 

  Friar Reynard, falling in love with a Gentlewoman, Wife to a man

of good account; found the meanes to become her Gossip. Afterward,

he being conferring closely with her in her Chamber, and her Husband

coming sodainly thither: she made him beleeve, that he came thither

for no other end; but to cure his God-sonne by a charme, of a

dangerous disease which he had by Wormes.

 

  Philostratus told not this Tale so covertly, concerning Lazaros

simplicity, and Peronellaes witty policy; but the Ladies found a

knot in the rush, and laughed not a little, at his queint manner of

discoursing it. But upon the conclusion, the King looking upon Madam

Eliza, willed her to succeede next, which as willingly she granted,

and thus began. Pleasant Ladies, the charme or conjuration wherwith

Madam Aemillia laid her night-walking Spirit, maketh me remember a

Novell of another enchantment; which although it carrieth not

commendation equall to the other, yet I intend to report it, because

it suteth with our present purpose, and I cannot sodainly be

furnisht with another, answerable thereto in nature.

  You are to understand then, that there lived in Siena, a proper yong

man, of good birth and well friended, being named Reynard. Earnestly

he affected his neere dwelling neighbour, a beautifull Gentlewoman,

and wife to a man of good esteeme: of whom hee grew halfe perswaded,

that if he could (without suspition) compasse private conference

with her, he should reach the height of his amorous desires. Yet

seeing no likely meanes wherewith to further his hope, and shee

being great with childe, he resolved to become a Godfather to the

childe, at such time as it should be brought to Christening. And being

inwardly acquainted with her Husband, who was named Credulano; such

familiar intercourses passed betweene them, both of Reynards kinde

offer, and Credulanoes as courteous acceptance, that hee was set downe

for a Gossippe.

  Reynard being thus embraced for Madam Agnesiaes Gossip, and this

proving the onely colourable meanes, for his safer permission of

speech with her, to let her now understand by word of mouth, what long

before she collected by his lookes and behaviour: it fell out no way

beneficiall to him, albeit Agnesia seemed not nice or scrupulous in

hearing, yet she had a more precious care of her honor. It came to

passe, within a while after (whether by seeing his labour vainly

spent, or some other urgent occasion moving him thereto, I know not)

Reynard would needs enter into Religion, and whatsoever strictnesse or

austeritie hee found to be in that kinde of life, yet he determined to

persevere therein, whether it were for his good or ill. And although

within a short space, after he was thus become a Religious Monke,

hee seemed to forget the former love which he bare to his gossip

Agnesia, and divers other enormous vanities beside: yet let me tell

you, successe of time tutord him in them again(!; and, without any

respect to his poore ho habite, but rather in contempt thereof (as

it were) he tooke an especiall delight, in wearing garments of much

richer esteeme, yet favoured by the same Monasticall profession,

appearing (in all respects) like a Court-Minion or Favourite, of a

sprightly and Poeticall disposition, for composing Verses, Sonnets,

and Canzons, singing them to sundry excellent instruments, and yet not

greatly curious of his company, so they were some of the best, and

Madame Agnesia one, his former Gossip.

  But why doe I trouble my selfe, in talking thus of our so lately

converted Friar, holy Father Reynard, when they of longer standing,

and reputed meerely for Saints in life, are rather much more vile then

hee? Such is the wretched condition of this world, that they shame not

(fat, foggie, and nastie Abbey-lubbers) to shew how full-fedde they

live in their Cloysters, with cherry cheekes, and smooth shining

lookes, gay and gaudy garments, far from the least expression of

humility, not walking in the streets like Doves: but high-crested like

Cockes, with well cramd gorges. Nay, which is worse, if you did but

see their Chambers furnished with Gally-pots of Electuaries,

precious Unguents, Apothecary Boxes, filled with various

Confections, Conserves, excellent Perfumes, and other goodly Glasses

of artificiall Oyles and Waters: beside Rundlets and small Barrels

full of Greeke Wine, Muscatella, Lachrime Christi, and other such like

most precious Wines, so that (to such as see them) they seeme not to

bee Chambers of Religious men; but rather Apothecaries Shoppes, or

appertaining to Druggists, Grocers, or Perfumers.

  It is no disgrace to them to be Gowty; because when other men know

it not, they alledge, that strict fasting, feeding on grosse Meates

(though never so little,) continuall studying, and such like

restraints from the bodies freer exercise, maketh them subject to many

infirmities. And yet, when any one of them chanceth to fall sicke, the

Physitian must minister no such counsell to them, as Chastity,

Abstinence from voluptuous meats, Discipline of the body, or any of

those matters appertaining to a modest religious life. For, concerning

the plaine, vulgar, and Plebeian people, these holy Fathers are

perswaded, that they know nothing really belonging to a

sanctimonious life; as long watching, praying, discipline and fasting,

which (in themselves) are not able, to make men look leane,

wretched, and pale. Because Saint Dominicke, Saint Fraunces, and

divers other holy Saints beside, observed the selfesame religious

orders and constitutions, as now their carefull successors do.

Moreover, in example of those fore-named Saints, who went wel

cloathed, though they had not three Garments for one, nor made of

the finest Woollen excellent cloath: but rather of the very coarsest

of all other, and of the common ordinary colour, to expell cold onely,

but not to appear brave or gallant, deceyving thereby infinite

simple credulous soules, whose purses (neverthelesse) are their best

pay-masters.

  But leave we this, and returne wee backe to vertuous Fryar

Reynard, who falling again& to his former appetites; became an often

visitant of his Gossip Agnesia, and now hee had learned such a

blushlesse kinde of boldnesse; that he durst be more instant with

her (concerning his privie sute) then ever formerly he had bin, yea

even to solicite the enjoying of his immodest desires. The good

Gentlewoman, seeing her selfe so importunately pursued, and Friar

Reynard appearing now (perhappes) of sweeter and more delicate

complexion, the at his entrance into Religion: at a set time of his

secret communing with her; she answered him in as apt tearmes, as they

use to do, who are not greatly sqeamish, in granting matters

demanded of them.

  Why how now Friar Reynard? quoth shee, Doe Godfathers use to move

such questions? Whereto the Friar thus replyed. Madam, when I have

laide off this holy habite (which is a matter very easie for mee to

do) I shall seeme in your eye, in all respects made like another

man, quite from the course of any Religious life. Agnesia, biting

the lip with a prety smile, said; O my faire Starres! You will never

bee so unfriendly to me. What? You being my Gossip, would you have

me consent unto such a sinne? Our blessed Lady shield mee, for my

ghostly Father hath often told me, that it is utterly unpardonable:

but if it were, I feare too much confiding on mine owne strength.

Gossip, the Friar, you speake like a Foole, and feare (in this case)

is wholly frivolous, especially, when the motions mooved by such an

one as my selfe, who (upon repentance) can grant you pardon and

indulgence presently. But I pray you let mee aske you one question,

Who is the neerest Kinsman to your Son; either I, that stood at the

Font for his Baptisme, or your Husband that begot him? The Lady made

answere, that it was her Husband. You say very true Gossip, replyed

the Friar, and yet notwithstanding, doth not your Husband (both at

boord and bed) enjoy the sweet benefit of your company? Yes, said

the Lady, why shold he not? Then Lady (quoth Reynard) I, who am not so

neere a Kinsman to your Sonne, as your Husband is, why may ye not

afford mee the like favour, as you do him? Agnesia, who was no

Logitian, and therefore could not stand on any curious answer,

especially being so cuningly moved; beleeved, or rather made shew of

beleeving, that the Godfather said nothing but truth, and thus

answered. What woman is she (Gossip) that knoweth how to answer your

strange speeches? And, how it came to passe, I know not, but such an

agreement passed betweene them, that, for once onely (so it might

not infrindge the league of Gossip-ship, but that title to countenance

their further intent) such a favour should be affoorded, so it might

stand cleare from suspition.

  An especiall time being appointed, when this amorous Combate

should be fought in loves field, Friar Reynard came to his Gossips

house, where none being present to hinder his purpose, but onely the

Nursse which attended on the child, who was an indifferent faire and

proper woman: his holy brother that came thither in his company

(because Friars were not allowed to walke alone) was sent aside with

her into the Pigeon loft, to enstruct her in a new kinde of Pater

noster, lately devised in their holy Convent. In the meane while, as

Friar Reynard and Agnesia were entring into hir chamber, she leading

her little son by the hand, and making fast the doore for their better

safety: the Friar laide by his holie habit, Cowle, Hood, Booke, and

Beads, to bee (in all respects) as other men were. No sooner were they

thus entred the Chamber, but her husband Credulano, being come into

the house, and unseen of any, staid not till he was at the Chamber

doore, where hee knockt, and called for his Wife.

  She hearing his voice: Alas Gossip (quoth she) what shall I do? My

Husband knocketh at the doore, and now he will perceive the occasion

of our so familiar acquaintance. Reynard being stript into his

Trusse and straite Strouses, began to tremble and quake exceedingly. I

heare your Husbands tongue Gossip, said he, and seeing no harme as yet

hath bin done, if I had but my garments on againe; wee would have

one excuse or other to serve the turne, but till then you may not open

the doore. As womens wits are sildome gadding abroad, when any

necessitie concerneth them at home: even so Agnesia, being sodainly

provided of an invention, both how to speake and carry her selfe in

this extreamitie, saide to the Friar. Get on your garments quickely,

and when you are cloathed, take your little God-son in your armes, and

listning wel what I shall say, shape your answeres according to my

words, and then refer the matter to me. Credulano had scarsely ended

his knocking, but Agnesia stepping to the doore said: Husband, I

come to you. So she opened the doore, and (going forth to him) with

a chearefull countenance thus spake. Beleeve me Husband, you could not

have come in a more happy time, for our yong Son was sudainly

extreamly sicke, and (as good Fortune would have it) our loving Gossip

Reynard chanced to come in; and questionlesse, but by his good prayers

and other religious paynes, we had utterly lost our childe, for he had

no life left in him.

  Credulano, being as credulous as his name imported, seemed ready

to swoune with sodaine conceit: Alas good wife (quoth he) how hapned

this? Sit downe sweet Husband said she, and I wil tell you al. Our

child was sodainly taken with a swouning, wherein I being unskilful,

did verily suppose him to be dead, not knowing what to doe, or say. By

good hap, our Gossip Reynard came in, and taking the childe up in

his armes, said to me. Gossip, this is nothing else but Wormes in

the bellie of the childe, which ascending to the heart, must needs

kill the child, without all question to the contrary. But be of good

comfort Gossip, and feare not, for I can charme them in such sort,

that they shall all die, and before I depart hence, you shall see your

Son as healthfull as ever. And because the maner of this charm is of

such nature, that it required prayer and exorcising in two places at

once: Nurse went up with his Holye Brother into our Pigeon loft, to

exercise their devotion there, while we did the like heere. For none

but the mother of the childe must bee present at such a mystery, nor

any enter to hinder the operation of the charme; which was the

reason of making fast the Chamber doore. You shall see Husband anon

the Childe, which is indifferently recovered in his armes, and if

Nurse and his holy Brother were returned from theyr meditations; he

saith, that the charme would then be fully effected: for the child

beginneth to looke chearefull and merry.

  So deerely did Credulano love the childe, that hee verily

beleeved, what his Wife had saide, never misdoubting any other

treachery: and, lifting up his eyes, with a vehement sigh, said. Wife,

may not I goe in and take the child into my armes? Oh no, not yet good

husband (quoth she) in any case, least you should overthrow all that

is done. Stay but a little while, I will go in againe, and if all

bee well, then will I call you. In went Agnesia againe, making the

doore fast after her, the Fryar having heard all the passed

speeches, by this time he was fitted with his habite, and taking the

childe in his armes, he said to Agnesia. Gossip methought I heard your

Husbands voice, is hee at your Chamber doore? Yes Gossip Reynard

(quoth Credulano without, while Agnesia opened the doore, and admitted

him entrance) indeede it is I. Come in Sir, I pray you, replyed the

Friar, and heere receive your childe of mee, who was in great

danger, of your ever seeing him any more alive. But you must take

order, to make an Image of waxe, agreeing with the stature of the

childe, to be placed on the Altar before the Image of S. Frances, by

whose merites the childe is thus restored to health.

  The childe, beholding his Father, made signes of comming to him,

rejoycing merrily, as yong infants use to do, and Credulano clasping

him in his armes, wept with conceite of joy, kissing him infinitely,

and heartily thanking his Gossip Reynard, for the recovery of his

God-son. The Friars brotherly Companion, who had given sufficient

enstructions to the Nurse, and a small purse full of Sisters white

thred, which a Nunne (after shrift) had bestowed on him, upon the

husbands admittance into the Chamber (which they easily heard) came in

also to them, and seeing all in very good tearmes, they holpe to

make a joyfull conclusion, the Brother saying to Friar Reynard:

Brother, I have finished all those foure jaculatory prayers, which you

commanded me.

  Brother, answered Reynard, you have a better breath then I, and your

successe hath prooved happier then mine, for before the arrivall of my

Gossip Credulano, I could accomplish but two jaculatory prayers onely.

But it appeareth, that we have both prevailed in our devout desire,

because the childe is perfectly cured. Credulano calling for Wine

and good cheare, feasted both the Friars very jocondly, and then

conducting them forth of his house, without any further

intermission, caused the childs Image of waxe to be made, and sent

it to be placed on the Altar of Saint Frances, among many other the

like oblations.