THE FIFT NOVELL

 

  IN JUST SCORNE AND MOCKERY OF SUCH JEALOUS HUSBANDS, THAT WILL BE

   SO IDLE HEADED UPON NO OCCASION. YET WHEN THEY HAVE GOOD REASON

           FOR IT, DO LEAST OF ALL SUSPECT ANY SUCH INJURY

 

  A jealous man, clouded with the habite of a Priest, became the

Confessour to his owne Wife; who made him beleeve, that she was

deepely in love with a Priest, which came every night, and lay with

her. By meanes of which confession, while her jealous Husband

watched the doore of his house; to surprize the Priest when he came:

she that never meant to do amisse, had the company of a secret Friend,

who came over the toppe of the house to visite her, while her

foolish Husband kept the doore.

 

  Madam Lauretta having ended her Novell, and every one commended

the Woman, for fitting Tofano in his kinde; and, as his jealousie

and drunkennesse justly deserved: the King (to prevent all losse of

time) turned to Madame Fiammetta, commaunding her to follow next:

whereuppon, very graciously, shee beganne in this manner.

  Noble Ladies, the precedent Novell delivered by Madame Lauretta,

maketh me willing to speake of another jealous man; as being halfe

perswaded, that whatsoever is done to them by their Wives, and

especially upon no occasion given, they doe no more then well

becommeth them. And if those grave heads, which were the first

instituters of lawes, had diligently observed all things; I am of

the minde, that they would have ordained no other penalty for Women,

then they appointed against such, as (in their owne defence) do offend

any other. For jealous husbands, are meere insidiators of their

Wives lives, and most diligent pursuers of their deaths, being lockt

up in their houses all the Weeke long, imployed in nothing but

domesticke drudging affayres: which makes them desirous of high

Festivall dayes, to receive some litle comfort abroad, by an honest

recreation or pastime, as Husbandmen in the fields, Artizans in our

Citie, or Governours in our judiciall Courtes; yea, or as our Lord

himselfe, who rested the seaventh day from all his travailes. In

like manner, it is so willed and ordained by the Lawes, as well divine

as humane, which have regard to the glory of God, and for the common

good of every one; making distinction betweene those dayes appointed

for labour, and the other determined for rest. Whereto jealous persons

(in no case) will give consent, but all those dayes (which for other

women are pleasing and delightfull) unto such, over whom they command,

are most irksome, sadde and sorrowful, because then they are lockt up,

and very strictly restrained. And if question wer urged, how many good

women do live and consume away in this torturing het of affliction:

I can make no other answere, but such as feele it, are best able to

discover it. Wherefore to conclude the proheme to my present

purpose, let none be over rash in condemning women: for what they do

to their husbands, being jealous without occasion; but rather

commend their wit and providence.

  Somtime (faire Ladies) there lived in Arimino, a Merchant, very rich

in wealth and worldly possessions, who having a beautifull Gentlewoman

to his wife, he became extreamly jelous of her. And he had no other

reason for this foolish conceit; but, like as he loved hir dearly, and

found her to be very absolutely faire: even so he imagined, that

althogh she devised by her best meanes to give him content; yet others

would grow enamored of her, because she appeared so amiable to al.

In which respect, time might tutor her to affect some other beside

himselfe: the onely common argument of every bad minded man, being

weake and shallow in his owne understanding. This jelous humor

increasing in him more and more, he kept her in such narrow restraint:

that many persons condemned to death, have enoyed larger libertie in

their imprisonment. For, she might not bee present at Feasts,

Weddings, nor goe to Church, or so much as to be seen at her doore:

Nay, she durst not stand in her Window, nor looke out of her house,

for any occasion whatsoever. By means whereof, life seemed most

tedious and offensive to her, and she supported it the more

impatiently, because shee knew her selfe not any way faulty.

  Seeing her husband still persist in this shamefull course towards

her; she studied, how she might best comfort her selfe in this

desolate case: by devising some one meane or other (if any at all were

to bee founde) wherby he might be requited in his kind, and wear

that badge of shame whereof he was now but onely affraid. And

because she could not gain so small a permission, as to be seene at

any window, where (happily) she might have observed some one passing

by in the street, discerning a litle parcell of her love: she

remembred at length, that, in the next house to her Husbands (they

both joyning close together) there dwelt a comely yong proper

Gentleman, whose perfections carried correspondencie with her desires.

She also considered with her selfe, that if there were any partition

wall; such a chinke or cranny might easily be made therein, by which

(at one time or other) she should gaine a sight of the young

Gentleman, and finde an houre so fitting, as to conferre with him, and

bestow her lovely favour on him, if he pleased to accept it. If

successe (in this case) proved answerable to her hope, then thus she

resolved to outrun the rest of her wearisome dayes, except the frensie

of jealousie did finish her husbands loathed life before.

  Walking from one roome to another, thorough every part of the house;

and no wall escaping without diligent surveying; on a day, when her

Husband was absent from home, she espyed in a corner very secret, an

indifferent cleft in the Wall; which though it yeelded no full view on

the other side, yet she plainly perceived it to be an handsome

Chamber, and grew more then halfe perswaded, that either it might be

the Chamber of Philippo (for so was the neighbouring yong Gentleman

named) or else a passage guiding thereto. A Chambermaid of hers, who

compassioned her case very much; made such observance, by her

Mistresses direction, that she found it to be Philippoes bed

Chamber, and where alwayes he used to lodge alone. By often visiting

this rift or chinke in the Wall, especially when the Gentleman was

there; and by throwing in little stones, flowers, and such like

things, which fell still in his way as he walked: so farre she

prevailed, that he stepping to the chinke, to know from whence they

came; shee called softly to him, who knowing her voyce, there they had

such private conference together, as was not any way displeasing to

either. So that the chinke being made a little larger; yet so, as it

could not be easily discerned: their mouthes might meete with kisses

together, and their hands folded each in other; but nothing else to be

performed, for continuall feare of her jelous husband.

  Now the Feast of Christmasse drawing neere, the Gentlewoman said

to her Husband; that, if it stood with his liking: she would do such

duty as fitted with so solemne a time, by going earely in a morning

unto Church, there to be confessed, and receive her Saviour, as

other Christians did. How now? replied the jealous Asse, what sinnes

have you committed, that should neede confession? How Husband? quoth

she, what do you thinke me to be a Saint? Who knoweth not, I pray you,

that I am as subject to sinne, as any other Woman living in the world?

But my sins are not to be revealed to you, because you are no

Priest. These words enflamed his jealousie more violently then before,

and needes must he know what sinnes she had committed, and having

resolved what to do in this case, made her answer: That hee was

contented with her motion, alwaies provided, that she went to no other

Church, then unto their owne Chappel, betimes in a morning; and

their own Chaplaine to confesse her, or some other Priest by him

appointed, but not any other: and then she to returne home presently

againe. She being a woman of acute apprehension, presently collected

his whole intention: but seeming to take no knowledge thereof,

replyed, that she would not swerve from his direction.

  When the appointed day was come, she arose very earely, and being

prepared answerable to her owne liking, to the Chappell shee went as

her Husband had appointed, where her jealous Husband (being much

earlier risen then she) attended for her comming: having so ordred the

matter with his Chaplaine, that he was cloathed in his Cowle, with a

large Hood hanging over his eyes, that she should not know him, and so

he went and sate downe in the Confessors place. Shee being entred into

the Chappell, and calling for the Priest to heare her confession, he

made her answer: that he could not intend it, but would bring her to

another holy Brother, who was at better leysure then hee. So to her

Husband he brought her, that seemed (in all respects) like the

Confessor himselfe: save onely his Hood was not so closely veyled, but

shee knew his beard, and said to her selfe. What a mad world is this

when jealousie can metamorphose an ordinary man into a Priest? But,

let me alone with him, I meane to fit him with that which he lookes

for.

  So, appearing to have no knowledge at all of him, downe she fell

at his feete, and he had conveyed a few Cherry stones into his

mouth, to trouble his speech from her knowledge; for, in all things

els, he thoght himselfe to be sufficiently fitted for her. In the

course of her confession, she declared, that she was married to a most

wicked jealous Husband, and with whom she lead a very hatefull life.

Neverthelesse (quoth she) I am indifferently even with him, for I am

beloved of an Holie Fryar, that every night commeth and lyeth with me.

When the jealous Husband heard this, it stabbed him like a dagger to

the heart, and, but for his greedy covetous desire to know more; he

would faine have broke off confession, and got him gone. But,

perceiving that it was his wisest course, he questioned further with

his wife, saying: Why good Woman, doth not your husband lodge with

you? Yes Sir, quoth she. How is it possible then (replyed the Husband)

that the Friar can lodge there with you too?

  She, dissembling a farre fetcht sigh, thus answered. Reverend Sir, I

know not what skilfull Art the Fryar useth, but this I am sure,

every doore in our house will flye open to him, so soone as he doth

but touch it. Moreover, he told me, that when he commeth unto my

Chamber doore, he speaketh certaine words to himselfe, which

immediately casteth my Husband into a dead sleepe, and,

understanding him to bee thus sleepily entranced: he openeth the

doore, entreth in, lieth downe by me, and this every night he

faileth not to do. The jealous Coxcomb angerly scratching his head,

and wishing his wife halfe hangd, said: Mistresse, this is very

badly done, for you should keepe your selfe from all men, but your

husband onely. That shall I never doe, answered shee, because (indeed)

I love him dearely. Why then (quoth our supposed Confessor) I cannot

give you any absolution. I am the more sory Sir, said she, I came

not hither to tell you any leasings, for if I could, yet I would

not, because it is not good to fable with such Saint-like men as you

are. You do therein (quoth hee) the better, and surely I am very

sory for you, because in this dangerous condition, it will bee the

utter losse of your soule: neverthelesse, both for your husbands

sake and your owne, I will take some paines, and use such especiall

prayers in your name, which may (perchance) greatly avayle you. And

I purpose now and then, to send you a Novice or young Clearke of mine,

whom you may safely acquaint with your minde, and signifie to me, by

him, whether they have done you good, or no: and if they prove

helpefull, then will we further proceed therein. Alas Sir, said she,

never trouble your selfe, in sending any body to our house; because,

if my Husband should know it, he is so extreamly jealous, as all the

world cannot otherwise perswade him, but that he commeth thither for

no honest intent, and so I shall live worse then now I do. Fear not

that, good woman, quoth he, but beleeve it certainly, that I will have

such a care in this case, as your Husband shall never speake thereof

to you. If you can doe so Sir, sayde she, proceed I pray you, and I am

well contented.

  Confession being thus ended, and she receiving such pennance as

hee appointed, she arose on her feete, and went to heare Masse;

while our jealous Woodcocke (testily puffing and blowing) put off

his Religious habite, returning home presently to his house, beating

his braines al the way as he went, what meanes he might best devise,

for the taking of his wife and the Friar together, whereby to have

them both severely punished. His wife being come home from the

Chappell, discerned by her Husbands lookes, that he was like to

keepe but a sory Christmasse: yet he used his utmost industry, to

conceale what he had done, and which she knew as well as himself.

And he having fully resolved, to watch his own street doore the next

night ensuing in person, in expectation of the Friars comming, saide

to his Wife. I have occasion both to suppe and lodge out of my house

this night, wherefore see you the streete doore to be surely made fast

on the inside, and the doore at the middest of the staires, as also

your own Chamber doore, and then (in Gods name) get you to bed.

Whereto she answered, that all should be done as hee had appointed.

  Afterward, when she saw convenient time, she went to the chink in

the Wall, and making such a signe as shee was woont to doe:

Phillippo came thither, to whom she declared all her mornings

affayres, and what directions her husband had given her. Furthermore

she saide, certaine I am, that he will not depart from the house,

but sit and watch the doore without, to take one that comes not heere.

If therefore, you can climbe over the house top, and get in at our

gutter Window, you and I may conferre more familiarly together. The

young Gentleman being no dullard, had his lesson quickly taught him;

and when night was come, Geloso (for so must wee tearme the

Cocke-braind husband) armes himselfe at all points, with a browne Bill

in his hand, and so he sits to watch his owne doore. His Wife had made

fast all the doores, especially that on the midst of the stayres,

because he should not (by any means) come to her Chamber; and so, when

the houre served, the Gentleman adventured over the house top, found

the gutter Window, and the way conducting him to her Chamber, where

I leave them to their further amorous conference.

  Geloso, more than halfe mad with anger, first, because hee had

lost his supper: next, having sitten almost all the night (which was

extreamely cold and windle) his Armor much mollesting him, and yet

he could see no Friar come: when day drew neere, and hee ashamed to

watch there any longer; conveighed himselfe to some more convenient

place, where putting off his Armes, and seeming to come from the place

of his Lodging; about the ninth houre, he found his doore open, entred

in, and went up the stayres, going to dinner with his Wife. Within a

while after, according as Geloso had ordred the businesse, a youth

came thither, seeming to be the Novice sent from the Confessor, and he

being admitted to speake with her, demanded, whether shee were

troubled or mollested that night passed, as formerly she had bin,

and whether the partie came or no? The Woman, who knew well enough the

Messenger (notwithstanding all his formall disguise) made answer: That

the party expected, came not: but if hee had come, it was to no

purpose; because her minde was now otherwise altred, albeit she

changed not a jote from her amorous conclusion.

  What should I now further say unto you? Geloso continued his watch

many nights afterward, as hoping to surprize the Friar at his

entrance, and his wife kept still her contented quarter, according

as opportunitie served. In the conclusion, Geloso beeing no longer

able to endire his bootlesse watching, nor some (more then ordinary)

pleasing countenance in his wife: one day demaunded of her (with a

very stearne and frowning brow) what secret sinnes shee had revealed

to the ghostly Father, upon the day of her shrift? The Woman

replyed, that she would not tell him, neyther was it a matter

reasonable, or lawfull for her to doe. Wicked Woman, answered

Geloso: I knowe them all well enough, even in despight of thee, and

every word that thou spakest unto him. But Huswife, now I must further

know, what the Fryar is, with whom you are so farre in love, and (by

meanes of his enchantments) lyeth with you every night; tell me what

and who he is, or else I meane to cut your throate.

  The Woman immediately made answer, it was not true, that she was

in love with any Fryar. How? quoth Geloso, didst not thou confesse

so much to the Ghostly Father, the other day when thou wast at shrift?

No Sir, sayde she, but if I did, I am sure he would not disclose it to

you, except hee suffered you to bee there present, which is an Article

beyonde his dutie. But if it were so, then I confesse freely, that I

did say so unto him. Make an end then quickely Wife (quoth Geloso) and

tell mee who the Friar is. The Woman fell into a hearty laughter,

saying. It liketh me singularly well, when a wise man will suffer

himselfe to be ledde by a simple Woman, even as a Sheepe is to the

slaughter, and by the hornes. If once thou wast wise, that wisedome

became utterly lost, when thou felst into that divellish frensie of

jealousie, without knowing anie reason for it: for, by this

beastlike and no manly humor, thou hast eclipsed no meane part of my

glory, and womanly reputation.

  Doest thou imagine Husband, that if I were so blinded in the eyes of

my head, as thou art in them which should informe thine understanding;

I could have found out the Priest, that would needs bee my

Confessor? I knew thee Husband to be the man, and therefore I prepared

my wit accordingly, to fit thee with the foolish imagination which

thou soughtest for, and (indeed) gave it thee. For, if thou hadst

beene wise, as thou makest the world to beleeve by outward

apparance, thou wouldest never have expressed such a basenesse of

minde, to borrow the coulour of a sanctified cloake, thereby to

undermine the secrets of thine honest meaning Wife. Wherefore, to

feede thee in thy fond suspition, I was the more free in my

Confession, and tolde thee truely, with whom, and how heinously I

had transgressed. Did I not tell thee, that I loved a Fryar? And art

not thou he whom love, being a Fryar, and my ghostly Father, though

(to thine owne shame) thou madst thy selfe so? I said moreover, that

there is not any doore in our house, that can keepe it selfe shut

against him, but (when he pleaseth) he comes and lies with me. Now

tell me Husband, What doore in our house hath (at any time) bin shut

against thee, but they are freely thine owne, and grant thee entrance?

Thou art the same Friar that confest me, and lieth every night with

me, and so often as thou sentst thy yong Novice or Clearke to me, as

often did I truly returne thee word, when the same Fryar lay with

me. But (by jealousie) thou hast so lost thine understanding, that

thou wilt hardly beleeve all this.

  Alas good man, like an armed Watchman, thou satst at thine owne

doore all a cold Winters night, perswading mee (poorelly credulous

woman) that, upon urgent occasions, thou must needs suppe and lodge

from home. Remember thy selfe therefore better heereafter, become a

true understanding man, as thou shouldst bee, and make not thy selfe a

mocking stocke to them, who knoweth thy jealous qualities, as well

as I do, and be not so watchfull over me, as thou art. For I sweare by

my true honesty, that if I were but as willing, as thou art

suspitious: I could deceive thee, if thou hadst an hundred eyes, as

Nature affords thee but two, and have my pleasures freely, yet thou be

not a jot the wiser, or my credit any way impaired.

  Our wonderfull wise Geloso, who (very advisedly) considred that he

had wholly heard his wives secret confession, and dreamed now on no

other doubt beside, but (perceiving by her speeches) how hee was

become a scorne to al men: without returning other answer, confirmed

his wife to be both wise and honest, and now when he hadde just

occasion to be jealous indeede, hee utterly forsware it, and counted

them all Coxcombes that would be so misguided. Wherefore, she having

thus wisely wonne the way to her owne desires, and he reduced into a

more humane temper: I hope there was no more neede, of clambring

over houses in the night time like Cats, nor walking in at gutter

Windowes; but all abuses were honestly reformed.