THE THIRD NOVELL

 

   JUSTLY REPREHENDING THE SIMPLICITY OF SUCH MEN, AS ARE TOO MUCH

         ADDICTED TO CREDULITIE, AND WILL GIVE CREDIT TO EVERY

                            THING THEY HEARE

 

  Calandrino, Bruno, and Buffalmaco, all of them being Painters by

profession, travelled to the Plaine of Mugnone, to finde the

precious Stone called Helitropium. Calandrino no perswaded himselfe to

have found it; returned home to his house heavily loaden with

stones. His Wife rebuking him for his absence, hee groweth into anger,

and shrewdly beateth her. Afterward, when the case is debated among

his other friends Bruno and Buffalmaco, all is found to be meere

foolery.

 

  Pamphilus having ended his Novell, whereat the Ladies laughed

exceedingly, so that very hardly they could give over. The Queene gave

charge to Madame Eliza, that shee should next succeed in order;

when, being scarcely able to refraine from smyling, thus she began.

  I know not (Gracious Ladies) whether I can move you to as hearty

laughter, with a briefe Novell of mine owne, as Pamphilus lately did

with his: yet I dare assure you, that it is both true and pleasant,

and I will relate it in the best manner I can.

  In our owne Citie, which evermore hath contained all sorts of

people, not long since there dwelt, a Painter, named Calandrino, a

simple man; yet as much adicted to matters of novelty, as any man

whatsoever could be. The most part of his time, he spent in the

company of two other Painters, the one called Bruno, and the other

Buffalmaco, men of very recreative spirits, and of indifferent good

capacity, often resorting to the said Calandrino, because they tooke

delight in his honest simplicity, and pleasant order of behaviour.

At the same time likewise, there dwelt in Florence, a yong Gentleman

of singular disposition, to every generous and witty conceite, as

the world did not yeeld a more pleasant companion, he being named Maso

del Saggio, who having heard somwhat of Calandrinos sillinesse:

determined to jest with him in merry manner, and to suggest his

longing humors after Novelties, with some conceit of extraordinary

nature.

  He happening (on a day) to meete him in the Church of Saint John,

and seeing him seriously busied, in beholding the rare pictures, and

the curious carved Tabernacle, which (not long before) was placed on

the. high Altar in the said Church: considered with himselfe, that

he had now fit place and opportunity, to effect what hee had long time

desired. And having imparted his minde to a very intimate friend,

how he intended to deale with simple Calandrino: they went both very

neere him, where he sate all alone, and making shew as if they saw him

not; began to consult between themselves, concerning the rare

properties of precious stones; whereof Maso discoursed as exactly,

as he had beene a most skilfull Lapidarie; to which conference of

theirs, Calandrino lent an attentive eare, in regard it was matter

of singular rarity.

  Soone after, Calandrino started up, and perceiving by their loude

speaking, that they talked of nothing which required secret

Counsell: he went into their company (the onely thing which Maso

desired) and holding on still the former Argument; Calandrino would

needs request to know, in what place these precious stones were to

be found, which had such excellent vertues in them? Maso made answere,

that the most of them were to be had in Berlinzona, neere to the

City of Bascha, which was in the Territory of a Countrey, called

Bengodi, where the Vines were bound about with Sawcidges, a Goose

was sold for a penny, and the Goslings freely given in to boote. There

was also an high mountaine wholly made of Parmezane, grated Cheese,

whereon dwelt people, who did nothing else but make Mocharones and

Ravivolies, boyling them with broth of Capons, and afterward hurled

them all about, to whosoever can or will catch them. Neere to this

mountaine runneth a faire River, the whole streame being pure white

Bastard, none such was ever sold for any money, and without one drop

of water in it.

  Now trust me Sir, (said Calandrino) that is an excellent Countrey to

dwell in: but I pray you tell me Sir, what do they with the Capons

after they have boyld them? The Baschanes (quoth Maso) eate them

all. Have you Sir, said Calandrino, at any time beene in that

Countrey? How? answered Maso, doe you demaund if have beene there? Yes

man, above a thousand times, at the least. How farre Sir, I pray you

(quoth Calandrino) is that worthy Countrey, from this our City? In

troth, replyed Maso, the miles are hardly to be numbred, for the

most part of them, we travell when we are nightly in our beddes, and

if a man dreame right; he may be there upon a sudden.

  Surely Sir, said Calandrino, it is further hence, then to Abruzzi?

Yes questionlesse, replyed Maso; but, to a willing minde, no travell

seemeth tedious.

  Calandrino well noting, that Maso delivered all these speeches, with

a stedfast countenance, no signe of smyling, or any gesture to urge

the least mislike: he gave such credit to them, as to any matter of

apparent and manifest truth, and upon this assured confidence, he

said.

  Beleeve me Sir, the journey is over-farre for mee to undertake,

but if it were neerer; I could affoord to goe in your Company; onely

to see how they make these Macherones, and to fill my belly with them.

  But now wee are in talke Sir, I pray you pardon mee to aske, whether

any such precious stones, as you spake off, are to be found in that

Countrey, or no? Yes indeed, replyed Maso, there are two kinds of them

to be found in those Territories, both being of very great vertue. One

kind, are gritty stones, of Settignano, and of Montisca, by vertue

of which places, when any Mill-stones or Grind-stones are to bee made,

they knede the sand as they use to doe meale, and so make them of what

bignesse they please. In which respect, they have a common saying

there: that Nature maketh common stones, but Montisca Mill-stones.

Such plenty are there of these Mill-stones, so slenderly here esteemed

among us, as Emeralds are with them, whereof they have whole

mountaines, farre greater then our Montemorello, which shine most

gloriously at midnight. And how meanly soever we account of their

Mill-stones; yet there they drill them, and enchase them in Rings,

which afterward they send to the great Soldane, and have whatsoever

they will demaund for them.

  The other kinde is a most precious Stone indeede, which our best

Lapidaries call the Helitropium, the vertue whereof is so admirable;

as whosoever beareth it about him, so long as he keepeth it, it is

impossible for any eye to discerne him, because he walketh meerely

invisible. O Lord Sir (quoth Calandrino) those stones are of rare

vertue indeede: but where else may a man finde that Helitropium?

Whereto Maso thus answered: That Countrey onely doth not containe

the Helitropium; for they be many times found upon our plaine of

Mugnone. Of what bignesse Sir (quoth Calandrino) is the Stone, and

what coulour? The Helitropium, answered Maso, is not alwayes of one

quality, because some are bigge, and others lesse; but all are of

one coulour, namely blacke.

  Calandrino committing all these things to respective memory, and

pretending to be called thence by some other especiall affaires;

departed from Maso, concluding resolvedly with himselfe, to finde this

precious stone, if possibly hee could: yet intending to doe nothing,

untill hee had acquainted Bruno and Buffalmaco therewith, whom he

loved dearly: he went in all hast to seeke them; because, (without any

longer trifling the time) they three might bee the first men, that

should find out this precious stone, spending almost the whole morning

before they were all three met together. For they were painting at the

Monastery of the Sisters of Faenza, where they had very serious

imployment, and followed their businesse diligently: where having

found them, and saluting them in such kinde manner, as continually

he used to doe, thus he began.

  Loving friends, if you were pleased to follow mine advise, wee three

will quickely be the richest men in Florence; because, by

information from a Gentleman (well deserving to be credited) on the

Plaine of Mugnone: there is a precious stone to be found, which

whosoever carrieth it about him, walketh invisible, and is not to be

seene by any one. Let us three be the first men to goe and finde it,

before any other heare thereof, and goe about it, and assure our

selves that we shall finde it, for I know it (by discription) so soone

as I see it. And when wee have it, who can hinder us from bearing it

about us? Then will we goe to the Tables of our Bankers, or money

Changers, which we see daily charged with plenty of gold and silver,

where we may take so much as wee list, for they (nor any) are able

to descrie us. So, (in short time) shall wee all be wealthy, never

needing to drudge any more, or paint muddy walles, as hitherto we have

done; and, as many of our poore profession are forced to doe.

  Bruno and Buffalmaco hearing this, began to smile, and looking

merily each on other, they seemed to wonder thereat, and greatly

commended the counsell of Calandrino. Buffalmaco demaunding how the

stone was named. Now it fortuned, that Calandrino (who had but a

grosse and blockish memory) had quite forgot the name of the stone,

and therefore said. What neede have wee of the name, when we know, and

are assured of the stones vertue? Let us make no more adoe, but

(setting aside all other businesse) goe seeke where it is to be found.

Well my friend (answered Bruno) you say wee may finde it, but how, and

by what meanes?

  There are two sorts of them (quoth Calandrino) some bigge, others

smaller, but all carry a blacke colour: therefore (in mine opinion)

let us gather all such stones as are blacke, so shall we be sure to

finde it among them, without any further losse of time.

  Buffalmaco and Bruno, liked and allowed the counsell of

Calandrino, which when they had (by severall commendations) given

him assurance of, Bruno saide. I doe not thinke it a convenient time

now, for us to go about so weighty a businesse: for the Sun is yet

in the highest degree, and striketh such a heate on the plaine of

Mugnone, as all the stones are extreamly dryed, and the very

blackest will nowe seeme whitest. But in the morning, after the dew is

falne, and before the Sunne shineth forth, every stone retaineth his

true colour. Moreover, there be many Labourers now working on the

plaine, about such businesse as they are severally assigned, who

seeing us in so serious a serch: may imagine what we seeke for, and

partake with us in the same inquisition, by which meanes they may

chance to speed before us, and so wee may lose both our trot and

amble. Wherefore, by my consent, if your opinion jumpe with mine, this

is an enterprize onely to be perfourmed in an early morning, when

the blacke stones are to be distinguisht from the white, and a

Festivall day were the best of all other, for then there will be

none to discover us.

  Buffalmaco applauded the advice of Bruno, and Calandrino did no

lesse, concluding all together; that Sunday morning (next ensuing)

should be the time, and then they all three would go see the Stone.

But Calandrino was verie earnest with them, that they shold not

reveale it to any living body, because it was tolde him as an

especiall secret: disclosing further to them, what hee had heard

concerning the Countrey of Bengodi, maintaining (with solemn oaths and

protestations) that every part thereof was true. Uppon this agreement,

they parted from Calandrino who hardly enjoyed anie rest at all,

either by night or day, so greedie he was to bee possessed of the

stone. On the Sonday morning, hee called up his Companions before

breake of day, and going forth at S. Galls Port, they stayed not, till

they came to the plaine of Mugnone, where they searched all about to

finde this strange stone.

  Calandrino went stealing before the other two, and verilie perswaded

himselfe, that he was borne to finde the Helitropium, and looking on

every side about him, hee rejected all other Stones but the blacke,

whereof first he filled his bosome, and afterwards, both his

Pockets. Then he tooke off his large painting Apron, which he fastened

with his girdle in the manner of a sacke, and that he filled full of

stones likewise. Yet not so satisfied, he spred abroad his Cloake,

which being also full of stones, hee bound it up carefully, for

feare of loosing the very least of them. All which Buffalmaco and

Bruno well observing (the day growing on, and hardly they could

reach home by dinner time) according as merrily they had concluded,

and pretending not to see Calandrino, albeit he was not farre from

them: What is become of Calandrino? saide Buffalmaco. Bruno gazing

strangely every where about him, as if hee were desirous to finde him,

replyed. I saw him not long since, for then he was hard by before

us; questionlesse, he hath given us the slippe, is privilie gone

home to dinner, and making starke fooles of us, hath lefte us to picke

up blacke stones, upon the parching plaines of Mugnone. Well (quoth

Buffalmaco) this is but the tricke of an hollow-hearted friend, and

not such as he protested himselfe to be, to us. Could any but wee have

bin so sottish, to credit his frivolous perswasions, hoping to finde

any stones of such vertue, and here on the fruitlesse plains of

Mugnone? No, no, none but we would have beleeved him.

  Calandrino (who was close by them) hearing these wordes, and

seeing the whole manner of their wondering behaviour: became

constantly perswaded, that hee had not onely found the precious stone;

but also had some store of them about him, by reason he was so neere

to them, and yet they could not see him, therefore he walked before

them. Now was his joy beyond all compasse of expression, and being

exceedingly proud of so happy an adventure: did not meane to speake

one word to them, but (heavily laden as hee was) to steale home

faire and softly before them, which indeede he did, leaving them to

follow after, if they would. Bruno perceiving his intent, said to

Buffalmaco: What remaineth now for us to doe? Why should not we go

home, as well as hee? And reason too, replyed Bruno. It is in vaine to

tarry any longer heere: but I solemnly protest, Calandrino shall no

more make an Asse of me: and were I now as neere him, as not long

since I was, I would give him such a remembrance on the heele with

this Flint stone, as should sticke by him this moneth, to teach him

a lesson for abusing his friends.

  Hee threw the stone, and hit him shrewdly on the heele therewith;

but all was one to Calandrino, whatsoever they saide, or did, as

thus they still followed after him. And although the blow of the stone

was painfull to him; yet he mended his pace so wel as he was able,

in regard of beeing over-loaden with stones, and gave them not one

word all the way, because he tooke himselfe to bee invisible, and

utterly unseene of them. Buffalmaco taking uppe another Flintstone,

which was indifferent heavie and sharp, said to Bruno. Seest thou this

Flint? Casting it from him, he smote Calandrino just in the backe

therewith, saying that Calandrino had bin so neere as I might have hit

him on the backe with the stone. And thus all the way on the plaine of

Mugnone, they did nothing else but pelt him with stones, even so farre

as the Port of S. Gall, where they threwe downe what other stones they

had gathered, meaning not to molest him any more, because they had

done enough already.

  There they stept before him unto the Port, and acquainted the

Warders with the whole matter, who laughing heartily at the jest,

the better to upholde it; would seeme not to see Calandrino in his

passage by them, but suffered him to go on, sore wearied with his

burthen, and sweating extreamly. Without resting himselfe in any

place, he came home to his house, which was neere to the corner of the

Milles, Fortune being so favourable to him in the course of this

mockery, that as he passed along the Rivers side, and afterward

through part of the City; he was neither met nor seen by any, in

regard they were all in their houses at dinner.

  Calandrino, every minute ready to sinke under his weightie

burthen, entred into his owne house, where (by great ill luck) his

wife, being a comely and very honest woman, and named Monna Trista,

was standing aloft on the stayres head. She being somewhat angry for

his so long absence, and seeing him come in grunting and groaning,

frowningly said. I thought that the divell would never let thee come

home, all the whole Citie have dined, and yet wee must remaine without

our dinner. When Calandrino heard this, and perceived that he was

not invisible to his Wife: full of rage and wroth, hee began to raile,

saying. Ah thou wicked woman, where art thou? Thou hast utterly undone

me: but (as I live) I will pay thee soundly for it. Up the staires

he ascended into a small Parlour, where when he hadde spred all his

burthen of stones on the floore: he ran to his wife, catching frer

by the haire of the head, and throwing her at his feete; giving her so

many spurns and cruel blowes, as shee was not able to moove either

armes or legges, notwithstanding all her teares, and humble

submission.

  Now Buffalmaco and Bruno, after they had spent an indifferent while,

with the Warders at the Port in laughter; in a faire and gentle

pace, they followed Calandrino home to his house, and being come to

the doore, they heard the harsh bickering betweene him and his Wife,

and seeming as if they were but newly arrived, they called out alowd

to him. Calandrino being in a sweate, stamping and raving still at his

Wife: looking forth of the window, entreated them to ascend up to him,

which they did, counterfetting greevous displeasure against him. Being

come into the roome, which they saw all covered over with stones,

his Wife sitting in a corner, all the haire (well-neere) torne off her

head, her face broken and bleeding, and all her body cruelly beaten;

on the other side, Calandrino standing unbraced and ungirded,

strugling and wallowing, like a man quite out of breath: after a

little pausing, Bruno thus spake.

  Why how now Calandrino? What may the meaning of this matter be?

What, art thou preparing for building, that thou hast provided such

plenty of stones? How sitteth thy poore wife? How hast thou misused

her? Are these the behaviours of a wise or honest man? Calandrino,

over-spent with travalle, and carrying such an huge burthen of stones,

as also the toylesome beating of his Wife, (but much more impatient

and offended, for that high good Fortune, which he imagined to have

lost:) could not collect his spirits together, to answer them one

ready word, wherefore hee sate fretting like a mad man. Whereupon,

Buffalmaco thus began to him. Calandrino, if thou be angry with any

other, yet thou shouldest not have made such a mockery of us, as

thou hast done: in leaving us (like a couple of coxcombes) to the

plaine of Mugnone, whether thou leddest us with thee, to seeke a

precious stone called Helitropium. And couldst thou steale home, never

bidding us so much as farewell? How can we but take it in very evill

part, that thou shouldest so abuse two honest neighbours? Well, assure

thy selfe, this is the last time that ever thou shalt serve us so.

  Calandrino (by this time) being somewhat better come to himselfe,

with an humble protestation of courtesie, returned them this answer.

Alas my good friends, be not you offended, the case is farre otherwise

then you immagine. Poore unfortunate man that I am, I found the rare

precious stone that you speake of: and marke me well, if I do not tell

you the truth of all. When you asked one another (the first time) what

was become of me; I was hard by you: at the most, within the

distance of two yards length; and perceiving that you saw mee not,

(being still so neere, and alwaies before you:) I went on, smiling

to my selfe, to heare you brabble and rage against me.

  So, proceeding on in his discourse, he recounted every accident as

it hapned, both what they had saide and did unto him, concerning the

severall blowes, with the two Flint-stones, the one hurting him

greevously in the heele, and the other paining him as extreamly in the

backe, with their speeches used then, and his laughter,

notwithstanding hee felt the harme of them both, yet beeing proud that

he did so invisibly beguile them. Nay more (quoth he) I cannot

forbeare to tell you, that when I passed thorow the Port, I saw you

standing with the Warders; yet, by vertue of that excellent Stone,

undiscovered of you all. Beside, going along the streets, I met many

of my Gossips, friends, and familiar acquaintance, such as used daylie

to converse with me, and drinking together in every Tavern: yet not

one of them spake to me, neyther used any courtesie or salutation;

which (indeede) I did the more freely forgive them, because they

were not able to see me.

  In the end of all when I was come home into mine owne house, this

divellish and accursed woman, being aloft uppon my stayres head, by

much misfortune chanced to see me; in regard (as it is not unknowne to

you) that women cause all things to lose their vertue. In which

respect, I that could have stild my selfe the onely happy man in

Florence, am now made most miserable. And therefore did I justly beate

her, so long as she was able to stand against mee, and I know no

reason to the contrary, why I should not yet teare her in a thousand

peeces: for I may well curse the day of our mariage, to hinder and

bereave me of such an invisible blessednesse.

  Buffalmaco and Bruno hearing this, made shew of verie much

mervailing thereat, and many times maintained what Calandrino had

said; being well neere ready to burst with laughter; considering,

how confidently he stood upon it, that he had found the wonderful

stone, and lost it by his wives speaking onely to him. But when they

saw him rise in fury once more, with intent to beat her againe: then

they stept betweene them; affirming, That the woman had no way

offended in this case, but rather he himself: who knowing that women

cause all things to lose their vertue, had not therefore expresly

commanded her, not to be seene in his presence all that day, untill he

had made full proofe of the stones vertue. And questionles, the

consideration of a matter so availeable and important, was quite taken

from him, because such an especiall happinesse, should not belong to

him only; but (in part) to his friends, whom he had acquainted

therewith, drew them to the plaine with him in companie, where they

tooke as much paines in serch of the stone, as possibly he did, or

could; and yet (dishonestly) he would deceive them, and beare it

away covetously, for his owne private benefit.

  After many other, as wise and wholesome perswasions, which he

constantly credited, because they spake them, they reconciled him to

his wife, and she to him: but not without some difficulty in him;

who falling into wonderfull greefe and melancholy, for losse of such

an admirable precious stone, was in danger to have dyed, within

lesse then a month after.