THE FIFT NOVELL

 

  GIVING ADMONITION, THAT FOR THE MANAGING OF PUBLIQUE AFFAIRES, NO

  OTHER PERSONS ARE OR OUGHT TO BE APPOINTED, BUT SUCH AS BE HONEST,

               AND MEET TO SIT ON THE SEATE OF AUTHORITY

 

  Three pleasant Companions, plaide a merry pranke with a Judge

(belonging to the Marquesate of Ancona) at Florence, at such time as

he sate on the Bench, and hearing criminall causes.

 

  No sooner had Madam Aemillia finished her Novell, wherin, the

excellent wisdome of Piccarda, for so worthily punishing the luxurious

old Provoste, had generall commendations of the whole Assembly: but

the Queene, looking on Philostratus, said. I command you next to

supply the place: whereto he made answere, that hee was both ready and

willing, and then thus began. Honourable Ladies, the merry

Gentleman, so lately remembred by Madame Eliza, being named Maso del

Saggio; causeth me to passe over an intended Tale, which I had

resolved on when it came to my turne: to report another concerning

him, and two men more, his friendly Companions. Which although it

may appeare to you somewhat unpleasing, in regard of a little grosse

and unmannerly behaviour: yet it will move merriment without any

offence, and that is the maine reason why I relate it.

  It is not unknowne to you, partly by intelligence from our

reverend predecessours, as also some understanding of your owne,

that many time have resorted to our City of Florence, Potestates and

Officers, belonging to the Marquesate of Anconia; who commonly were

men of lowe spirit, and their lives so wretched and penurious, as they

rather deserved to be tearmed Misers, then men. And in regard of

this their naturall covetousnesse and misery, the Judges would bring

also in their company, such Scribes or Notaries, as being paralelde

with their Masters: they all seemed like Swaines come from the Plough,

or bred up in some Coblers quality, rather then Schollers, or Students

of Law.

  At one time (above all the rest) among other Potestates and

Judges, there came an especiall man, as pickt out of purpose, who

was named Messer Niccolao da San Lepidio, who (at the first beholding)

looked rather like a Tinker, then any Officer in authority. This

hansome man (among the rest) was deputed to heare criminall causes.

And, as often it happeneth, that Citizens, although no businesse

inviteth them to Judiciall Courts, yet they still resort thither,

sometimes accidentally: So it fortuned, that Maso times del Saggio,

being one morning in search of an especiall friend, went to the

Court-house, and being there, observed in what manner Messer

Niccolao was seated; who looking like some strange Fowle, lately

come forth of a farre Countrey; he began to survay him the more

seriously, even from the head to the foot, as we use to say.

 And albeit he saw his Gowne furred with Miniver, as also the hood

about his necke, a Penne and Inkehorne hanging at his girdle, and

one skirt of his Garment longer then the other, with more misshapen

sights about him, farre unfitting for a man of so civill profession:

yet he spyed one errour extraordinary, the most notable (in his

opinion) that ever he had seene before. Namely, a paultry paire of

Breeches, wickedly made, and worse worne, hanging downe lowe as

halfe his legge, even as he sate upon the Bench, yet cut so

sparingly of the Cloath, that they gaped wide open before, as a

wheele-barrow might have full entrance allowed it. This strange

sight was so pleasing to him; as leaving off further search of his

friend, and scorning to have such a spectacle alone by himselfe: hee

went upon another Inquisition; Namely, for two other merry Lads like

hirnselfe, the one being called Ribi, and the other Matteuzzo, men

of the same mirth-full disposition as he was, and therefore the fitter

for his Company.

  After he had met with them, these were his salutations: My honest

Boyes, if ever you did me any kindnesse, declare it more effectually

now, in accompanying me to the Court-house, where you shall behold

such a singular spectacle, as (I am sure) you never yet saw the

like. Forthwith they went along altogether, and being come to the

Courthouse, he shewed them the Judges hansome paire of Breeches,

hanging down in such base and beastly manner; that (being as yet farre

off from the Bench) their hearts did ake with extreamity of

laughter. But when they came neere to the seat whereon Messer Niccolao

sate, they plainely perceived, that it was very easie to be crept

under, and withall, that the board whereon he set his feet, was rotten

and broken, so that it was no difficult matter, to reach it, and

pull it downe as a man pleased, and let him fall bare Breecht to the

ground. Cheare up your spirits (my hearts) quoth Maso, and if your

longing be like to mine; we will have yonder Breeches a good deale

lower, for I see how it may be easily done.

 Laying their heads together, plotting and contriving severall

wayes, which might be the likelyest to, compasse their intent: each of

them had his peculiar appointment, to undertake the businesse

without fayling and it was to be performed the next morning. At the

houre assigned, they met there againe, and finding the Court well

filled with people, the Plaintiffes and Defendants earnestly pleading:

Matteuzzo (before any body could descry him) was cunningly crept under

the Bench, and lay close by the board whereon the Judge placed his

feete. Then stept in Maso on the right hand of Messer Niccolao, and

tooke fast hold on his Gowne before; the like did Ribi on the left

hand, in all respects answerable to the other. Oh my Lord Judge (cryed

Maso out aloud) I humbly intreat you for charities sake, before this

pilfering knave escape away from hence; that I may have justice

against him, for stealing my drawing-over stockeings, which he stoutly

denyeth, yet mine owne eyes beheld the deed, it being now not above

fifteene dayes since, when first I bought them for mine owne use.

  Worthy Lord Judge (cryed Ribi, on the other side) doe not beleeve

what he saith, for he is a paltry lying fellow, and because hee knew I

came hither to make my complaint for a Male or Cloakebag which he

stole from me: hee urgeth this occasion for a paire of drawing

Stockeings, which he delivered me with his owne hands. If your

Lordship will not credit me, I can produce as witnesses, Trecco the

Shoemaker, with Monna Grassa the Souse-seller, and he that sweepes the

Church of Santa Maria a Verzaia, who saw him when he came posting

hither. Maso haling and tugging the Judge by the sleeve, would not

suffer him to heare Ribi, but cryed out still for justice against him,

as he did the like on the contrary side.

  During the time of this their clamourous contending, the Judge being

very willy willing to heare either party: Matteuzzo, upon a signe

received from the other, which was a word in Masoes pleading, laide

holde on the broken boord, as also on the Judges low-hanging Breech,

plucking at them both so strongly, that they fell downe immediately,

the Breeches being onely tyed but with one Poynt before. He hearing

the boards breaking underneath him, and such maine pulling at his

Breeches; strove (as he sate) to make them fast before, but the

Poynt being broken, and Maso crying in his eare on the one side, as

Ribi did the like in the other; hee was at his wits end to defend

himselfe. My Lord (quoth Maso) you may bee ashamed that you doe me not

justice, why will you not heare mee, but wholly lend your eare to mine

Adversary? My Lord (said Ribi) never was Libell preferd into this

Court, of such a paltry trifling matter, and therefore I must, and

will have Justice.

  By this time the Judge was dismounted from the Bench, and stood on

the ground, with his slovenly Breeches hanging about his heeles:

Matteuzzo being cunningly stolne away, and undiscovered by any body.

Ribi, thinking he had shamed the Judge sufficiently, went away,

protesting, that he would declare his cause in the hearing of a

wiser Judge. And Maso forbearing to tugge his Gowne any longer, in his

departing, said. Fare you well Sir, you are not worthy to be a

Magistrate, if you have no more regard of your honour and honesty, but

will put off poore mens suites at your pleasure. So both went severall

wayes, and soone were gone out of publike view.

  The worshipfull Judge Messer Niccolao stood all this while on the

ground; and, in presence of all the beholders, trussed up his

Breeches, as if-hee were new risen out of his bed: when better

bethinking himselfe on the matters indifference, he called for the two

men, who contended for the drawing stockings and the Cloake-bag; but

no one could tell what was become of them. Whereupon, he rapt out a

kinde of Judges oath, saying: I will know whether it be Law or no

heere in Florence, to make a Judge sit bare Breecht on the Bench of

Justice, and in the hearing of criminall Causes; whereat the chiefe

Potestate, and all the standers by laughed heartily.

  Within fewe dayes after, he was informed by some of his especiall

Friends, that this had never happened to him, but onely to testifie,

how understanding the Florentines are, in their ancient

constitutions and customes, to embrace, love and honour, honest,

discreet worthy Judges and Magistrates; Whereas on the contrary,

they as much condemne miserable knaves, fooles, and dolts, who never

merit to have any better entertainment. Wherefore, it would be best

for him, to make no more enquiry after the parties; lest a worse

inconvenience should happen to him.