THE NINTH NOVELL

 

       WHEREIN IS APPROVED, THAT TITLES OF HONOUR, LEARNING, AND

          DIGNITY, ARE NOT ALWAYES BESTOWNE ON THE WISEST MEN

 

  Maestro Simone, an ydle-headed Doctor of Physicke, was throwne by

Bruno and Buffalmaco, into a common Leystall of Filth: The Physitian

fondly beleeving, that (in the night time) he should bee made one of a

new created Company, who usually went to see wonders at Corsica; and

there in the Leystall they left him.

 

  After that the Ladies had a while considered, on the communication

betweene the two Wives of Sienna, and the falshood in friendship of

their Husbands: the Queene, who was the last to recount her Novell,

without offering injurie to Dioneus, began to speake thus.

  The reward for a precedent wrong committed, which Zeppa retorted

upon Spinelloccio, was answerable to his desert, and no more then

equity required, in which respect, I am of opinion, that such men

ought not to be over-sharpely reproved, as do injurie to him, who

seeketh for it, and justly should have it, althogh Madam Pampinea (not

long since) avouched the contrary.

  Now, it evidently appeareth, that Spinelloccio well deserved what

was done to him, and I purpose to speake of another, who needs would

seeke after his owne disgrace.

  The rather to confirme my former speeches, that they which beguile

such wilfull foolish men; are not to bee blamed, but rather commended.

And he unto whom the shame was done, was a Physitian, which came

from Bologna to Florence; and returned thither againe like unto a

Beast, notoriously baffulled and disgraced.

  It is a matter well knowne - to us, and (almost) observed day by day,

that divers of our Citizens, when they returne from their studying

at Bologna: one becommeth an Advocate, another a Physitian, and a

third a Notarie, with long and large gowns, some of Scarlet, and hoods

furred with Minever, beside divers other great apparances,

succeeding effectually daily in their severall kinds. Among whom,

there returned (not long since) thence, one Master. Simon da Villa,

more rich in possessions left him by his parents, then anie

knowledge thereto obtained: yet cloathed in Scarlet, with his

Miniver hood, and styled a Doctor of Physicke, which title hee onely

bestowed on himselfe, and tooke a goodly house for his dwelling, in

the street which wee commonly call La via del Cocomero. This Master

Doctor Simon, being thus newly come thither, among other notable

qualities in him, had one more especial then any of the rest,

namely, to know the names and conditions of such persons, as daily

passed by his doore, and what professions they were of, wherby any

likelyhood might be gathered of needing his helpe, and being his

patients, observing them all with very vigilant care.

  But, among all the rest by him thus warily noted, he most observed

two Painters, of whom we have heeretofore twice discoursed, Bruno

and Buffalmaco, who walked continually together, and were his neere

dwelling neighbors. The matter which most of al he noted in them, was;

that they lived merrily, and with much lesse care, then any else in

the Cittie beside, and verily they did so in deede. Wherefore, he

demanded of divers persons, who had good understanding of them both,

of what estate and condition they were. And hearing by every one, that

they were but poore men and Painters: he greatly mervailed, how it

could be possible for them, that they should live so jocondly, and

in such poverty. It was related to him further beside, that they

were men of a quicke and ingenious apprehension, whereby hee

politikely imagined, that theyr poore condition could not so well

maintaine them; without some courses else, albeit not publiquely

knowne unto men, yet redounding to their great commoditie and profite.

In which regard, he grew exceeding desirous, by what meanes he might

become acquainted, and grow into familiarity with them both, or any of

them, at the least: wherein (at the length) he prevailed, and Bruno

proved to be the man.

  Now Bruno plainly perceiving (within a short while of this new begun

acquaintance) that the Physitian was a Loggerhead, and meerely no

better then a Gregorian Animall: he beganne to have much good

pastime with him, by telling him strange and incredible Tales, such as

none but a Coxcombe would give credit too; yet they delighted Doctor

Dunce extraordinarily, and Brunoes familiarity was so highly

pleasing to him, that he was a daily guest at dinner and supper with

him, and hee was not meanly proud of enjoying his company. One day, as

they sate in familiar conference together, he told Bruno that he

wondred not a little at him and Buffalmaco, they being both so poore

people, yet lived far more jovially then Lords, and therefore

desired to understand, by what secret meanes they compassed such

mirthful maintenance. Bruno, hearing the Doctors demaund, and

perceiving that it savoured more of the foole, then any the very least

taste of wisedome: smiled unto himselfe, and determined to returne him

such an answere, as might be fitting for his folly, whereupon, thus he

replied.

  Beleeve me Master Doctor, I would not impart to many people, what

private helpes we have for our maintenance: but yet I dare boldly

acquaint you therewith, in regard you are one of our most intimate

friends, and of such secrecie, as (I know) you will not reveale it

to any. True it is, that mine honest neighbor and my selfe, do leade

our lives in such merry manner as you see, and better then all the

world is aware of, for I cannot imagine you to bee so ignorant, but

are certainly perswaded: that if we had no better means, then our

poore manuall trade and profession; we might sit at home with bread

and water, and be nothing so lively spirited as wee are. Yet Sir, I

would not have you to conceive, that wee do eyther rob or steale, or

use any other unlawfull courses: onely we travayle to Corsica, from

whence we bring (without the least prejudice to anie other) all things

we stand in need of, or whatsoever wee can desire. Thus do we

maintaine our selves well and honestly, and live in this mirthfull

disposition.

  Master Doctor hearing this Discourse, and beleeving it constantly,

without any further instruction or intelligence: became possessed with

verie much admiration, and had the most earnest desire in the world,

to know what this Travailing to Corsica might meane: entreating

Bruno with very great instances, to tell him what it was, and made

many protestations never to disclose it to anie one. How now Master

Doctor? answered Bruno, What a strange motion do you make to mee? It

is too great a secret, which you desire to know, yea, a matter of mine

owne ruine, and an utter expulsion out of this Worlde, with

condemnation into the mouth of Lucifer da San Gallo, if any man

whatsoever should know it from me, wherefore I pray you to urge it

no more. O my deer and honest neighbour Bruno (quoth the Doctor)

assure thy selfe upon my soul, that whatsoever thou revealest to me,

shall be under seale from all, but onely our selves. Fie, fie Master

Doctor, answered Bruno, you are too pressing and importunate. So

sitting smiling to himselfe, shaking his head, and beating his breast,

as if hee were in some straunge distraction of minde, stamping with

his feete, and beating his Fiste oftentimes on the Table, at ast he

started uppe, and spake in this manner.

  Ah Master Doctor, the love I be to your capricious and rarely

circumcised experience, and likewise the confidence I repose in your

scrutinous taciturnitie, are both of such mighty and prevailing

power as I cannot conceale any thing from you, which you covet to

know. And therefore, if you wil sweare unto me by the crosse of

Monteson, that never (as you have already faithfully promised) you

will disclose a secret so admirable; I will relate it unto you, and

not otherwise. The Doctor sware, and sware againe, and then Bruno thus

began.

  Know then my learned and judicious Doctor, that it is not long

time since, when there lived in this Citie of ours, a man very

excellent in the Art of Nigromancie, who named himselfe Michale Scoto,

because he was a Scottishman borne, of many woorthy Gentlemen (very

few of them being now living) hee was much honoured and respected.

When he grew desirous to depart from hence, upon their earnest

motion and entreaty; he left here two of his Schollers behinde him,

men of absolute skill and experience: giving them especial charge

and command, to do all possible services they could devise, for

those Gentlemen who had so highly honoured him. The two famous

Schollers, were very helpefull to those Gentlemen, in divers of

their amorous occasions, and verie many other matters besides.

  Not long after, they finding the Citie, and behaviour of the

people sufficiently pleasing to them; they resolved on their

continuance heere, entering into a league of love and friendshippe

with divers, never regarding, whether they were Gentlemen, or no, or

distinguishing the poore from the rich: but only in being conforme

to their complexions, sociable and fit for friendship.

  They created a kinde Society, consisting of about five and twenty

men, who should meete together twice in a moneth, and in a place

reputed convenient for them: where being so assembled, every man

uttered his minde to those two Schollers, in such cases as they most

desired, to have wherwith they were all satisfied the self-same night.

It came so to passe, that Buffalmaco and I, grew into acquaintance

with those two worthy Schollers, and our private familiarity

together proved so prosperous, that we were admitted into the same

Society, and so have ever since continued. Now Sir, I am to tell you

matter deserving admiration, and which (in very good judgements) would

seeme to exceed all beleefe.

  For, at every time when we were assembled together: you are not able

to imagine, what sumptuous hangings of Tapistrie, did adorne the

Hall where we sate at meate, the Tables covered in such Royall manner,

waited on by numberless Noble and goodly attendants, both Women and

Men, serving readily, at each mans command of the company. The Basins,

Ewers, Pots, Flaggons, and all the vessels else which stood before,

and for the service of our diet, being composed onely of Gold and

Silver, and out of no worse did we both eate and drinke: the viands

being very rare and dainty, abounding in plenty and variety, according

to the appetite of everie person, as nothing could be wished for,

but it was instantly obtained.

  In good sadnesse Sir, I am not able to remember and tell you (within

the compasse of a thousand yeares) what, and how manie severall kindes

of Musicall Instruments, were continually played on before us; what

multiplicity of Waxe lights burned in all partes of the roomes;

neither the excessive store of rich Drugs, Marchpanes, Comfites, and

rare Banquetting stuffe, consumed there at one Feasting, wherein there

wanted no bounty of the best and purest wines. Nor do I (Master

Doctor) repute you so weakly witted, as to think, that in the time

of our being thus assembled there, any of us al were cloathed in

such simple and meane Garments, as ordinarily are worne in the streets

on mens bodies, or any so silly as the verie best you have: No Sir,

not any one man among us, but appeared by his apparrell, equall to the

greatest Emperour on the earth, his robe most sumptuously

imbroidered with precious stones, Pearles, and Carbuncles, as the

world affoordeth not the like. But above all the rest, the delights

and pleasures there, are beyond my capacity to expresse, or

(indeede) any comparison: as namely, store of goodly and beautifull

women, brought thither from all parts of the world; alwayes

provided, if men bee desirous of their company: but for your easier

comprehension, I will make some briefe relation of them to you,

according as I heard them there named.

  There is the great Lady of Barbanicchia; the Queene of Baschia;

the Wife to the great Soldane, the Empresse of Osbeccho; the

Ciancianfera of Norniera; the Semistante of Berlinzona; and the

Scalpedra of Narsia. But why do I breake my braine, in numbering up so

many to you? All the Queenes of the world are there, even so farre

as to the Schinchimurra of Prester John, that hath a horne in the

midst of her posteriores, albeit not visible to every eye.

  Now I am further that after we have tasted a Cup of precious Wine,

fed on a few delicate Comfits, and danced a dance or two to the rare

Musicke: every one taketh a Lady by the hand, of whom he pleaseth to

make his election, and she conducteth him to her Chamber, in very

grave and gracious manner. Concerning the Chambers there, each of them

resembleth a Paradise to looke on, they are so faire and goodly; and

no lesse odorifferous in smell, then the sweetest perfumes in your

Apothecaries shoppes, or the rare compounds of Spices, when they are

beaten in an open Morter. And as for the Beds, they are infinitely

richer, then the verie costliest belonging to the Duke of Venice:

yet (in such) each man is appointed to take his rest, the Musicke of

rare Cymbals lasting all night long, much better to be by you

considered, then in my rude eloquence expressed.

  But of all those rich and sumptuous Beds (if pride of mine owne

opinion do not deceive me) them two provided for Buffalmaco and me,

had hardly any equall: he having the Queene of France as his Lady

and Mistresse, and I, the renowned Queene of England, the onely two

choise beauties of the whole World, and wee appeared so pleasing in

their eyes, as they would have refused the greatest Monarkes on the

earth, rather then to bee rejected by us. Now therefore, you may

easily consider with your selfe, what great reason we have to live

more merrily, then any other men can doe: in regard we enjoy the

gracious favour of two such Royall Queenes, receyving also from them

(whensoever wee please to commaund them) a thousand or two thousand

Florines at the least, which are both truly and duly sent us. Enjoying

thus the benefit of this high happinesse, we that are companions of

this Society, do tearme it in our vulgar Language, The Pyrats voyage

to Corsica. Because, as Rovers or Pyrats robbe and take away the

goodes of such as they meete withall, even so do we: only there

remaineth this difference betweene us, that they never restore what

they have taken: which we do immediately afterward, whether it be

required or no. And thus Master Doctor, as to my most endeered friend,

I have now revealed the meaning of sayling to Corsica, after the

manner of our private Pyracie, and how important the close retention

of the voiage is, you are best able your selfe to judge: In which

regarde, remember your Oathes and faithfull promises, or else I am

undone for ever.

  Our worthy wise Doctor, whose best skill scarsely extended so farre,

as to cure the itch in Children; gave such sound beleefe to the

relation of Bruno, as any man could doe, to the most certaine truth of

ife or death: having his desire immeasurably enflamed, to bee made a

member of this straunge Societie, which hee more coveted, then any

thing in the world beside, accounting it a felicity farre beyond all

other.

  Whereupon he answered Bruno, that it was no great matter of

mervaile, if he lived so merily as he did, having such a singular

supply, to avoide all necessities whatsoever: and very hardly could he

refraine from immediate request, to be accepted into the company.

But yet he thought fit to deferre it further, untill he had made Bruno

more beholding to him, by friendly entertainments and other

courtesies, when he might (with better hope) be bold to move the

motion.

  Well may you conceive, that nothing more hammerd in the Doctors

head, then this rare voyage to Corsica, and Bruno was his daily

guest at dinner and supper, with such extraordinary apparances of

kindnesse and courtesie, as if the Physitian could not live, except he

had the company of Bruno. Who seeing himselfe to bee so lovingly

respected, and hating ingratitude, for favours so abundantly heaped on

him: hee painted the whole story of Lent about his Hall, and an

Agnus Dei fairely gilt, on the portall of his Chamber, as also a

goodly Urinall on his street doore, to the end, that such as had neede

of his counsell, might know where so judicious a Doctour dwelt. In a

Gallery likewise by his Garden, he painted the furious Battaile

betweene the Rats and Cats, which did (not a little) delight Master

Doctor.

  Moreover, at such times as Bruno had not supt with our Physitian, he

would bee sure to tell him on the morrow, that the night passed, he

had bin with the Company which he did wot of. And there (quoth he) the

Queene of England having somewhat offended mee, I commanded, that

the Gomedra, belonging to the Grand Cham of Tartaria, should be

brought me, and instantly shee was. What may be the meaning of

Gomedrabe? said the Doctor, I understand not those difficult names.

I beleeve you Sir, answered Bruno, nor do I need to marvalle

thereat: and yet I have heard Porcograsso speake, and also Vannacenna,

and both unexperienced in our Language. You would say (replyed the

Doctor) Hippocrates and Avicenna, who were two admirable Physitians.

It may be so (said Bruno) and as hardly do I understand your names, as

you mine: but Gomedra, in the Grand Chams language, signifies Empresse

in ours. But had you once seene her Sir, she would make you forget all

Physicall observations, your arguments, receits, and medicines,

onely to be in her heavenly presence, which words he used

(perceiving his forward longing) to enflame him the more. Not long

after, as the doctor was holding the candle to Bruno, at the

perfecting the bloody Battayle of the Cattes and Rattes, because he

could never bee wearied in his Companie, and therefore was the more

willing, to undergoe the office of the Candle-holder: he resolved to

acquaint him with his minde, and being all alone by themselves, thus

he began.

  Bruno, as heaven knoweth, there is not this day any creature living,

for whom I would gladly do more, then for thee, and the very least

word of thy mouth, hath power to commaund mee to goe bare-footed, even

from hence so farre as to Peretola, and account my labour well

employed for thy sake: wherefore, never wonder at my continuall

kindnesse towards thee, using thee as my Domesticke companion, and

embracing thee as my bosome friend, and therefore I am the bolder in

mooving one request unto thee. As thou well knowest, it is no long

while since, when thou diddest acquaint me with the behaviour of the

Corsicane Roving Company, to be one in so rare and excellent a

Society, such hath bin my earnest longing ever since, as day nor night

have I enjoyed anie rest, but should thinke my felicity beyond all

compare, if I could be entertained in fellowship among you.

  Nor is this desire of mine but upon great occasion, as thou thy

selfe shalt perceive, if I prove accepted into your Societie, and

let me then be made a mocking stocke for ever, if I cause not to

come thither one of the most delicate young women, that ever anie

eye beheld, and which I my selfe saw (not above a yeare since) at

Cacavinciglia, on whom I bestowed my intirest affection, and (by the

best Urinall that ever I gazed on) would have given her tenne faire

Bologninaes, to yeeld the matter I moved to her, which yet I could not

(by any meanes) compasse. Therefore, with all the flowing faculties of

my soule I entreate thee, and all the very uttermost of my all

indeede; to instruct me in those wayes and meanes, whereby I may

hope to be a member of you. Which if thou dooest accomplish for me,

and I may finde it effectually performed: I shall not onely be thy

true and loyall friend for ever, but will honour thee beside, beyond

all men living.

  I know thee to bee a man of judgement, deepely informed in all

well-grounded experience: thou seest what a propper, portly, and

comely man I am, how fitly my legges are answerable to my body, my

lookes amiable, lovely, and of Rosie colour: beside I am a Doctor of

Physicke, of which profession (being only most expedient) I thinke you

have not one in your Society. I have many commendable qualities in me,

as, playing on divers instruments, exquisite in singing, and composing

rare ditties, whereof I will instantly sing thee one. And so he

began to sing.

  Bruno was swolne so bigge with desire of laughter, that hee had

scarsely any power to refraine from it: neverthelesse, he made the

best meanes he could devise: and the Song being ended, the Physition

saide. How now Bruno? What is thine opinion of my singing? Beleeve

me Sir, replyed Bruno, the Vialles of Sagginali, will loose their very

best times, in contending against you, so mirilifficially are the

sweet accents of your voice heard. I tell thee truly Bruno (answered

Master Doctor) thou couldst not by any possibility have beleeved it,

if thou hadst not heard it. In good sadnes Sir (said Bruno) you speake

most truly. I could (quoth the Doctor) sing thee infinite more beside,

but at this time I must forbeare them. Let mee then further informe

thee Bruno, that beside the compleat perfections thou seest in me,

my father was a Gentleman, althogh he dwelt in a poore Country

village, and by my mothers side, I am derived from them of Vallecchio.

Moreover, as I have formerly shewn thee, I have a goodly Library of

Bookes, yea, and so faire and costly garments, as few Physitians in

Florence have the like. I protest to thee upon my faith, I have one

gowne, which cost me (in readie money) almost an hundred poundes in

Bagattinoes, and it is not yet above ten yeares old. Wherefore let

me prevaile with thee, good Bruno, to worke so with the rest of thy

friends, that I may bee one of your singular Society; and, by the

honest trust thou reposest in mee, bee boldly sick whensoever thou

wilt, my paines and Physicke shall be freely thine, without the

payment of one single peny. Bruno hearing his importunate words, and

knowing him (as all men else did beside) to be a man of more words

then wit, saide. Master Doctor, snuffe the candle I pray you, and lend

me a little more light with it hitherward, until I have finished the

tailes of these Rats, and then I wil answer you.

  When the Rats tailes were fully finished, Bruno declaring by outward

behaviour, that he greatly distasted the matter mooved, thus answered.

Worthy Master Doctor, the courtesies you have already extended towards

me, and the bountifull favours promised beside, I know to be exceeding

great, and farre beyond the compasse of any merit in me. But

concerning your request, albeit in respect of your admired braine

and Wisedome, it is of little or no moment at all; yet it appeareth

over-mighty to mee, and there is not any man now living in the

world, that hath the like Authoritie over me, and can more commaund

me, then you (with one poore syllable) easily may doe: as well in

regarde of my Love and Dutie, as also your singular and sententious

speeches, able not onelie to make me breake a sound and setled

resolution, but (almost) to move Mountaines out of their places, and

the more I am in your Learned company, so much the faster am I lincked

unto you, in immooveable affection, so farre am I in love with your

admirable qualities. And had I no other reason, to affect you in

such endeared manner, as I doe; yet because you are enamoured of so

rare a beauty, as you have already related to me, it onely were a

motive sufficient to compell me. But indeed I must need tell you, that

I have not so much power in this case, as you (perhaps) do imagine,

which barreth me from such forward readines, as otherwise needed not

to be urged. Neverthelesse, having so solemnly ingaged your faith to

me, and no way misdoubting your faithfull secrecy, I shall instruct

you in some meanes to be observed; and it appeareth plainly to me,

that being furnished with such plenty of Bookes, as you are, and other

rich endowments, as you have before rehersed, you cannot but attaine

to the full period of your longing desire.

  Speake boldly thy minde Bruno, answered the Doctour: for, I perceive

thou hast no perfect knowledge of me as yet, neither what an especiall

gift I have of secrecy. Messer Gasparino da Salicete, when he was

Judge and Potestat over the people of Forlini, made choise of mee

(among infinite of his dearest friends) to acquaint with a secret of

no meane moment. And such a faithfull Secretary he found me, as I

was the onely man, that knew his mariage with Bergamino; why then

should any distrust be made of me? If it be so as you say Sir

(answered Bruno) your credit is the sounder, and I dare the better

adventure on your fidelity: the meanes then which you are to worke by,

I shall now direct you in.

  We have alwayes in this noble Society of ours, a Captaine, and two

Counsellors, which are changed at every six months end. And now at

Christmas next (so neere drawing on) Buffalmaco shal be elected

Captaine, and my selfe one of the Counsellers, for so it is already

agreed on, and orderly set downe. Now, he that is Captain, may doe

much more then any other can, and appoint matters as himselfe

pleaseth. Wherefore I thinke it very expedient, that so soone as

possibly you may, you procure acquaintance with Buffalmaco, entreating

him with all respective courtesie. Hee is a man, who when he

perceyveth you to be so wonderfully Wise and discreete, he will be

immediatly in love with you: so, when you have your best senses

about you, and your richest wearing Garments on (alwayes remembred,

that your acquaintance first be fully confirmed) then never feare to

urge your request, for he can have no power at all to denie you;

because I have already spoken of you to him, and find him to stand

affected unto you verie intirely: thus when you have begunne the

businesse, leave me to deale with him in the rest.

  Now trust me kinde friend Bruno, replyed the Physitian, I like

your advice exceeding well. For, if hee be a man, that taketh

delight to converse with men of skill and judgement, and you have made

the way for his knowing me: he wil him thirst, and long to follow

after mee, to understand the incredible eloquence flowing from me, and

the rare composition of my Musicall Ditties, out of which he may

learne no meane wisedome. When the matter was thus agreed on

betweene them, Bruno departed thence, and acquainted Buffalmaco with

everie circumstance: which made him thinke everie day a yeare,

untill he might in the fooling of Mayster Doctoar, according to his

owne fancie. Who beeing also as desirous on the other side, to make

one in the Corsicane Voyage; could take no manner of rest either by

day or night, till he was linked in friendship with Buffalmaco,

which very quickely after hee compassed.

  For now there wanted no costly dinners and suppers, with al

delicates could be devised, for the entertainement of Buffalmaco and

Bruno; who, like Guests very easie to be invited, where rich wines and

good cheare are never wanting, needed little sending for, because

his house was as familiar to them, as their owne. In the end, when the

Physitian espyed an opportunitie apt for the purpose, he made the same

request to Buffalmaco, as formerly hee had done to Bruno. Whereat

Buffalmaco, sodainly starting, and looking frowningly on Bruno, as

if he were extraordinarily incensed against him: clapping his hand

furiously on the Table, he sayde. I sweare by the great God of

Pasignano, that I can hardly refrayne from giving thee such a blow

on the face, as should make thy Nose to fall at thy heeles: vile

Traitor as thou art: for none beside thy selfe, could discover so rare

and excellent a secret unto this famous Physitian. The Doctour, with

very plausible and pleasing tearmes, excused the matter verie

artificially; protesting, that another had revealed it unto him: and

after many wise circumstantiall Allegations, at length hee prevailed

so farre, that Buffalmaco was pacified; who afterwardes turning in

kinde manner, thus hee beganne.

  Master Doctour, you have lived both at Bologna, and heere in these

partes with us, having (no doubt) sufficiently understoode, what it is

to carry a close mouth, I meane the true Charracter of taciturnitie.

Questionlesse, you never learned the A. B. C. as now foolish Ideots

do, blabbing their lessons all about the towne, which is much better

apprehended by rumination; and surely (if I be not much deceyved) your

Nativity happened on a Sonday morning, Sol being at that time, Lord of

the ascendent, joyned with Mercurie in a fierie Triplicitie. By such

conference as I have had with Bruno, I conceyved (as he himselfe

also did) that you were verie singular in Physicke onely: but it

seemeth, your Studies reached a higher straine, for you have

learned, and know verie skilfullie, how to steale mens hearts from

them, yea, to bereave them of their verie soules, which I perceyve

that you can farre better doe, then any man else living to my

knowledge, only by your wise, witty, judicious, and more then meere

Mercurian eloquence, such as I never heard before.

  The Physitian interrupting him bashfully, turned himselfe unto

Bruno, saying. Did not I tell thee this before? Observe what a notable

thing it is, to speake well, and to frequent the company of the

Wise. A thousand other, meerely blockes and dullardes by Nature, could

never so soone comprehend all the particularities of my knowledge,

as this honest and apprehensive man hath done. Thou didst not search

into it halfe so soone, nor (indeed) did I expresse a quarter of my

ingenuity to thee, as (since his comming) hath prodigally flowne

from me.

  Well do I remember thy words, that Buffalmaco delighted to be

among men of Wisedome: and have I not now fitted him unto his owne

desire? How thinkest thou Bruno? The best (quoth Bruno) that any man

living in the World could do. Ah worthy Buffalmaco, answered the

Physitian: What wouldst thou then have sayde, if thou hadst seene me

at Bologna, where there was neyther great nor small, Doctor nor

Scholler, but thought themselves happy by being in my company? If I

ought any debts, I discharged them with my very wittie words: and

whensoever I spake, I could set them al on a hearty laughter, so

much pleasure they tooke in hearing mee. And when I departed thence,

no men in the world could bee more sorrowfull then they, as desiring

nothing more then my remayning among them; which they expressed so

apparantly, that they made humble suite and intercession to me, to bee

cheefe Reader of the Physicke-Lecture, to all the Schollers studying

our profession. But I could not be so perswaded, because my minde

was wholly addicted hither, to enjoy those Goods, Landes, and

Inheritances, belonging lineally to them of our house, and accordingly

I did performe it.

  How now Buffalmaco (quoth Bruno) what is thine opinion now? Thou

wouldst not beleeve me when I told thee, that there is not a Doctor in

all these parts, more skilfull in distinguishing the Urine of an Asse,

from any other, then this most expert and singular man: and I dare

boldly maintaine it, that his fellow is not to bee found, from hence

to the very gates of Paris. Go then, and doe the uttermost endeavour

that thou canst, to grant the request which he hath made.

  Beleeve me Buffalmaco, saide the Doctor, Bruno hath spoken nothing

but truth, for I am scarsely knowne heere in this City, where (for the

most part) they are all grosse-witted people, rather then any jot

judicious: but I would thou hadst seene me among the Doctors, in

manner as I was wont to be. In troth Sir, replyed Buffalmaco, you

are much more Learned then ever I imagined, in which respect, speak

unto you as it becommeth me, to a man so excellent in wit and

understanding: I dare assure you, that (without any faile) I wit

procure you to be one of our Company.

  After this promise thus made, the good cheare, favors and kindnesses

done by the Doctor to them, was beyond the compasse of all relation:

whereof they made no more then a meere mockery, flouting him to his

face, and yet his Wisedome could not discerne it. Moreover, they

promised, that they would give him to Wife, the faire Countesse di

Civillari, who was the onely goodliest creature to be found in the

whole Culattario of humane generation. The Doctor demanded, what

Countesse that was? Oh Sir, answered Buffalmaco, she is a great

Lady, one worthy to have issue by; and few houses are there in the

world, where she hath not some jurisdiction and command: so that not

meane people onely, but even the greatest Lords, at the sound of her

Trumpets, do very gladlie pay her tribute. And I dare boldly

affirme, that whensoever shee walketh to any place, she yeeldeth a hot

and sensible savour, albeit she keepeth most of all close. Yet once

every night, shee duely observeth it (as a Custome) to passe from

her owne house, to bathe her feete in the River of Arno, and take a

little of the sweeter Ayre: albeit her continuall residencie, is

within the Kingdome of Laterino.

  She seldome walketh abroad, but goeth with her attending Officers

about her, who (for more demonstration of her greatnesse) do carry the

Rod and plummet of Lead. Store of her Lords and Barons are every where

to be seene; as the Tamagnino della porta, Don Meta di Sirropa; Manico

di Scopa; Signior Squacchera, and others beside, who are (as I

suppose) oftentimes your visitants, when of necessity they must be

remembred. All our care and courtesie shall extend so farre (if we doe

not falle in our enterprize) to leave you in the armes of so Majestick

a Ladie, quite forgetting hir of Cacavinciglia.

  The Physitian, who was borne and brought up at Bologna, and

therefore understoode not these Florentine tearmes: became fully

contented to enjoy the Ladie; and, within some few dayes following,

the Painters brought him tydings, that they had prepared the way for

his entertainment into the Societie of Rovers. The day being come,

when the supposed assembly was to be made the night following: the

Physitian invited them both to dinner; when he demanding, what

provision he shold make for his entrance into their company,

Buffalmaco returned him this answer, whereto hee gave very heedfull

attention.

  Master Doctor, you must be first of all, strongly armed with

resolution and confidence: for, if you be not, you may not only

receyve hindrance, but also do us great harme beside: and now you

shall heare, in what manner, and how you are to be bold and

constant. You must procure the meanes, this instant night, when all

the people are in their soundest sleepe, to stand upon one of those

high exalted Tombs or Monuments, which are in the churchyard of

Santa Maria Novella, with the very fairest gowne you have about you,

because you may appeare in the more honorable condition, before the

assembly seated together, and likewise to make good our speeches

already delivered of you, concerning your qualitie and profession:

that the Countesse, perceyving you to bee a woorthie Gentleman, may

have you first honoured with the Bathe, and afterward Knighted at

her owne cost and charge. But you must continue stil upon the Tombe

(dreadlesse of nightly apparitions and visions) untill such time as we

send for you.

  And for your better information in every particulare; a Beaste,

blacke and horned, but of no great stature, will come to fetch you:

perhaps he will use some gastly noises, straunge leapes, and loftie

trickes, onely to terrifie and affright you: but when he perceiveth

that he cannot daunt you, hee will gently come neere you, which when

he hath done, you may descend from off the Tombe; and, without

naming or thinking on God, or any of his Saintes, mount boldly on

his backe, for he will stand ready to receive you. Being so seated,

crosse your armes over your brest, without presuming to touch or

handle the Beast, for he will carry you thence softly, and so bring

you along to the company. But if in all this time of your travaile,

you call on heaven, any Saint, or bee possessed with the least thought

of feare: I must plainely tell you, that either hee will cast you

dangerously, or throw you into some noysom place. And therefore, if

you know your selfe, not to be of a constant courage, and sprightly

bold, to undertake such an adventure as this: never presume any

further, because you may doe us a great deale of injurie, without

any gaine or benefite to your selfe, but rather such wrong, as we

would be very sorry should happen unto so deere a Friend.

  Alas honest Buffalmaco, answered the Physitian, thou art not halfe

acquainted with me as yet: because I walke with gloves upon my

hands, and in a long Gowne, thou perhappes doest imagine mee a

faint-hearted fellow. If thou didst know, what I have heeretofore done

at Bologna in the night time, when I and my Consorts went to visite

pretty wenches, thou wouldst wonder at my couragious attempts. As I am

a Gentleman, one night, we met with a young Bona Roba, a paltry

greene-sicknesse baggage, scarsely above a Cubite in height, and

because she refused to go with us willingly, I gave her a kicke on the

bum, and spurnde her more then a Crosse-bowe shoote in distance from

me, and made her walke with us whether she would, or no. Another

time I remember, when having no other company but my boy, I went

thorow the Churchyard of the Fryars Minors, after the sounding of

Ave Maria: a woman hadde beene buried there the very same day, and yet

I was not a jotte affraid.

  Wherefore, never be distrustfull of mee, but resolvedly builde

upon my courage. And in regard of my more honourable entertainment,

I will then weare my Scarlet Gowne and Hood, wherein I receyved my

graduation; and then do both of you observe, what a rejoycing will

be among the whole company, at the entertaining of such a man as I am,

enough to create me Captaine immediatly. You shall perceive also how

the case will go, after I have beene there but a while, in regard that

the Countesse (having as yet never seene me) is so deepely enamored of

mee: she cannot choose but bestow the Bathe and Knighthood on me,

which shee shall have the more honour of, in regard I am well able

to maintaine it, therefore referre all the rest to mee, and never

misdoubt your injurie or mine.

  Spoken like a Gallant, replyed Buffalmaco, and I feare not now,

but we shall winne credite by your company. But be carefull I pray

you, that you make not a mockery of us, and come not at all, or

fayle to be there, when the Beast shall be sent for you; I speake it

the rather, because it is cold weather, and you Gentlemen Physitians

can hardly endure it. You are carefull of mee (quoth the Doctor) and I

thanke you for it, but I applaud my faire Starres, I am none of your

nice or easie-frozen fellowes, because cold weather is very familiar

to me. I dare assure you, when I arise in the night time for that

naturall office whereto all men are subject, I weare no warmer

defence, then my thin wastcoat over my shirt, and finde it

sufficient for the coldest weather at any time. When Bruno and

Buffalmaco had taken their leave, the Physitian, so soone as night

drew neere, used many apt excuses to his wife, stealing forth his

Scarlet Gowne and Hood unseene of any, wherewith being clothed: at the

time appointed, he got upon one of the Marble Tombes, staying there

(quaking with cold) awaiting when the Beast should come. Buffalmaco,

being a lusty tall man of person, had got an ugly masking suite,

such as are made use of in Tragedies and Playes, the out-side being of

black shagged haire, wherwith being cloathed, he seemed like a strange

deformed Beare, and a Divels vizard over his face, with two gastly

horrible hornes, and thus disguised, Bruno following him, they went to

behold the issue of the businesse, so farre as the new Market place,

closely adjoining to Santa Maria Novella.

  Having espyed Master Doctor uppon the Tombe, Buffalmaco in his

mishapen habite, began to bound, leape, and carriere, snuffling and

blowing in mad and raging manner: which when the Physitian saw, his

haire stood on end, he quaked and trembled, as being more fearfull

then a Woman, wishing himselfe at home againe in his house, rather

then to behold a sight so dreadfull. But because he was come forth,

and had such an earnest desire, to see the wonders related to him;

he made himselfe so coragious as possibly he could, and bare all out

in formall manner. After that Buiffalmaco had (an indifferent while)

plaide his horsetrickes, ramping and stamping somewhat strangely:

seeming as become of much milder temper, he went neere to the Tomb

whereon the Physitian stood, and there appeared to stay contentedly.

  Master Doctor, trembling and quaking still extreamely, was so

farre dismayed, as he knew not what was best to be done, either to

mount on the beasts backe, or not to mount at all. In the end,

thinking no harme could happen to him, if he were once mounted, with

the second feare, hee expelled the former, and descending downe softly

from the Tombe, mounted on the beast, saying out alowde: God, Saint

Dominicke, and my good Angell helpe to defend mee. Seating himselfe so

well as he could, but trembling still exceedingly; he crossed his

armes over his stomacke, according to the Lesson given him.

  Then did Buffalmaco shape his course in milde manner, toward Santa

Maria della Scala, and groping to finde his way in the darke, went

on so farre as the Sisters of Ripole, commonly called the Virgin

Sanctuary. Not farre off from thence, were divers trenches and

ditches, wherein such men as are imployed in necessary

nightservices, used to empty the Countesse di Cimillari, and afterward

imployed it for manuring Husbandmens grounds. Buffalmaco, being come

neere one of them, he stayed to breath himselfe awhile, and then

catching fast hold on one of the Doctours feete, raysed him somewhat

higher on his back, for the easier discharging of his burthen, and

so pitched him (with his head forwardes) into the Laystall.

  Then began he to make a dreadful kinde of noise, stamping and

trampling with his feete, passing backe againe to Santa Maria della

Scala, and to Prato d'Ognissanti, where hee met with Bruno, who was

constrained to forsake him, because he could not refraine from lowde

Laughter, then both together went backe once more, to see how the

Physitian would behave himselfe, being so sweetely embrued.

  Master Doctor, seeing himselfe to bee in such an abhominable

stinking place, laboured with all his utmost endevour, to get

himself released thence: but the more he contended and strove for

getting forth, he plunged himselfe the further in, being most

pitifully myred from head to foot, sighing and sorrowing

extraordinarily, because much of the foule water entred in at his

mouth. In the end, being forced to leave his hood behinde him,

scrambling both with his hands and feet, he got landing out of his

stinking Labyrinth, and having no other means, home he returned to his

own house, where knocking at the door he was at length admitted

entrance. The doore being scarse made fast againe after his letting

in, Buffalmaco and Bruno were there arrived, listning how M. Doctor

should bee welcomd home by his angry wife: who scolding and railing at

him with wonderfull impatience, gave him most hard and bitter

speeches, terming him the vilest man living.

  Where have you bin Sir? quoth she. Are you becom a night-walker

after other Women? And could no worse garments serve your turne, but

your Doctors gown of Scarlet? Am I to suffer this behaviour? Or am not

I sufficient to content you, but you must be longing after change? I

would thou hadst bin stifled in that foule filth, where thy fouler

life did justly cast thee. Behold goodly Master Doctor of the

Leystall, who being maried to an honest woman must yet go abroad in

the night time, insatiatly lusting after whores and harlots. With

these and the like intemperate speeches, she ceased not to afflict and

torment him, till the night was almost spent, and the Doctor brought

into a sweeter savour.

  The next morning, Bruno and Buffalmaco, colourd their bodyes with

a strange kinde of painting, resembling blisters, swellings, and

bruises, as if they had bin extreamly beaten; came to the Physitians

house, finding him to be newly up, al the house yet smelling of his

foule savour (although it had bin very well perfumed) and being

admitted to him in the Garden, hee welcommed them with the mornings

salutations. But Bruno and Buffalmaco (being otherwise provided for

him) delivering stearne and angry lookes, stamping and chafing,

Bruno thus replyed.

  Never speake so faire and flattering to us, for we are moved

beyond all compasse of patience. All misfortunes in the worlde fall

upon you, and an evill death may you dye, like the most false and

perfidious Traitor living on the earth. We must beate our braines, and

move all our most endeared friends, onely for your honor and

advancement: while wee were well neere starved to death in the cold

like Dogs, and, by your breach of promise, have bin this night so

extreamly beaten, as if (like Asses) we should have beene driven to

Rome.

  But that which is most greevous of all, is danger of excluding out

of the Society, where wee tooke good order for your admittance, and

for your most honourable entertainment. If you wi not credit us,

behold our bodies, and let your owne eyes be witnesses, in what cruell

manner we have bin beaten. So taking him aside under the Gallery,

where they might not be discovered by overmuch light, they opened

their bosomes, shewing him their painted bodies, and sodainly closed

them up againe.

  The Physitian laboured to excuse himselfe, declaring his misfortunes

at large, and into what a filthy place he was throwne. It maketh no

matter (answered Buffalmaco) I would you had bin throwen from off

the Bridge into Arno, where you might have beene recommended to the

Divell and all his Saints. Did not I tell you so much before. In

good sadnesse (quoth the Doctor) I neyther commended my selfe to

God, nor any of his Saints. How? sayde Buffalmaco, I am sure you

will not maintaine an untruth, you used a kind of recommendation:

for our messenger told us, that you talked of God, S. Dominicke, and

your good Angell, whom you desired to assist you, being so

affrighted with feare, that you trembled like a leafe upon a tree, not

knowing indeede where you were. Thus have you unfaithfully dealt

with us, as never any man shall doe the like againe, in seeking

honour, and losing it through your own negligence.

  Master Doctor humbly entreated pardon, and that they would not

revile him any more, labouring to appease them by the best words he

could use, as fearing least they should publish this great disgrace of

him. And whereas (before) he gave them gracious welcomes; now he

redoubled them with farre greater courtesies, feasting them daily at

his own table, and evermore delighting in their company. Thus (as

you have heard) two poore Painters of Florence, taught Master Doctor

better Wit, then all the Learned at Bologna.