THE EIGHT NOVELL

 

     WHEREBY PLAINLY APPEARETH, THAT THEY WHICH TAKE DELIGHT IN

     DECEIVING OTHERS, DO WELL DESERVE TO BE DECEIVED THEMSELVES

 

  Blondello (in a merry maner) caused Guiotto to beguile himselfe of a

good dinner: for which deceit, Guiotto became cunningly revenged, by

procurng Blondello to be unreasonably beaten and misused.

 

  It was a generall opinion in the whole Joviall Companie, that

whatsoever Talano saw in his sleepe, was not anie dreame, but rather a

vision: considring, every part thereof fell out so directly, without

the lest failing. But when silence was enjoyned, then the Queene

gave forth by evident demonstration, that Madam Lauretta was next to

succeed, whereupon she thus began. As all they (judicious hearers)

which have this day spoken before me, derived the ground or project of

their Novels, from some other argument spoken of before: even so,

the cruell revendge of the Scholler, yesterday discoursed at large

by Madame Pampinea, maketh me to remember another Tale of like nature,

some-what greevous to the sufferer, yet not in such cruell measure

inflicted, as that on Madam Helena.

  There dwelt sometime in Florence, one who was generally called by

the name of Guiotto, a man being the greatest Gourmand, and grossest

feeder, as ever was seene in any Countrey, all his meanes and

procurements meerly unable to maintaine expences for filling his

belly. But otherwise he was of sufficient and commendable carriage,

fairely demeaned, and well-discoursing on any argument: yet, not as a

curious and spruce Courtier, but rather a frequenter of rich mens

Tables, where choice of good cheere is sildome wanting, and such

should have his company, albeit not invited, yet (like a bold

intruder) he had the courage to bid himselfe welcome.

  At the same time, and in our City of Florence also, there was

another man, named Blondello, very low of stature, yet comly formed,

quicke witted, more neat and brisk then a Butterflye, alwaies

wearing a wrought silke cap on his head, and not a haire staring out

of order, but the tuft flourishing above the forehead, and he such

another trencher-fly for the table, as our forenamed Guiotto was. It

so fel out on a morning in the Lent time, that hee went into the

Fishmarket, where he bought two goodly Lampreyes, for Messer Viero

de Cherchi, and was espied by Guiotto, who to Blondello) said. What is

the meaning of this cost, and for whom is it? Whereto Blondello thus

answered. Yesternight, three other Lampries, far fairer and fatter

then these, and a whole Sturgeon, were sent unto Messer Corso

Donati, and being not sufficient to feede divers Gentlemen, whom hee

hath invited this day to dine with him, hee caused me to buy these two

beside: Doest not thou intend to make one among them? Yes I warrant

thee, replied Guiotto, thou knowst I can invite my selfe thither,

without any other bidding.

  So parting; about the houre of dinner time, Guiotto went to the

house of the saide Messer Corso, whom he found sitting and talking

with certain of his neighbors, but dinner was not (as yet) ready,

neither were they come thither to dinner. Messer Corso demaunded of

Guiotto, what newes with him, and whither he went? Why Sir (said

Guiotto) I come to dine with you, and your good company. Wherto Messer

Corso answered, That he was welcom, and his other friends being

gone, dinner was served in, none els therat present but Messer Corso

and Guiotto: al the diet being a poore dish of Pease, a litle piece of

Tunny, and a few smal fishes fried, without any other dishes to follow

after. Guiotto seeing no better fare, but being disapointed of his

expectation, as longing to feed on the Lampries and Sturgeon, and so

to have made a ful dinner indeed: was of a quick apprehension, and

apparantly perceived, that Blondello had meerly guld him in a knavery,

which did not a litle vex him, and made him vow to be revenged on

Blondello, as he could compasse occasion afterward.

  Before many dales were past, it was his fortune to meete with

Blondello, who having told this jest to divers of his friends, and

much good merriment made thereat: he saluted Guiotto in ceremonious

manner, saying. How didst thou like the fat Lampreyes and Sturgeon,

which thou fedst on at the house of Messer Corso Donati? Wel Sir

(answered Guiotto) perhaps before eight dayes passe over my head, thou

shalt meet with as pleasing a dinner as I did. So, parting away from

Blondello, he met with a Porter or burthen-bearer, such as are usually

sent on errands; and hyring him to deliver a message for him, gave him

a glasse bottle, and bringing him neere to the Hal-house of

Cavicciuli, shewed him there a knight, called Signior Phillipo

Argenti, a man of huge stature, stout, strong, vain-glorious, fierce

and sooner mooved to anger then any other man. To him (quoth

Guiotto) thou must go with this bottle in thy hand, and say thus to

him. Sir, Blondello sent me to you, and courteously entreateth you,

that you would enrubinate this glasse bottle with your best Claret

Wine; because he would make merry with a few friends of his. But

beware he lay no hand on thee, because he may bee easi induced to

misuse thee, and so my businesse be disappointed. Well Sir replied the

Porter, shal I say any thing else unto him? No (quoth Guiotto) only go

and deliver this message, and when thou art returned, Ile pay thee for

thy paines.

  The Porter being gone to the house, delivered his message to the

knight, who being a man of no great civill breeding, but furious,

rash, and inconsiderate: presently conceived, that Blondello (whom

he knew well enough) sent this message in meere mockage of him, and

starting up with fiery lookes, said: What enrubination of Claret

should I send him? and what have I to do with him, or his drunken

friends? Let him and thee go hang your selves together. So he stept to

catch hold on the Porter, but he (being well warnd before) was

quicke and nimble, and escaping from him, returned backe to Guiotto

(who observed all) and told him the answer of Signior Phillippo.

Guiotto not a little contented, paied the Porter, and taried not in

any place til he met with Blondello, to whom he said. When wast thou

at the Hall of Cavicciuli? Not a long while, answerd Blondello, but

why dost thou demand such a question? Because (quoth Guiotto)

Signior Phillippo hath sought about for thee, yet knowe not I what

he would have with thee. Is it so? replied Blondello, then I wil walke

thither presently, to understand his pleasure.

  When Blondello was thus parted from him, Guiotto folowed not farre

off behind him, to behold the issue of this angry businesse; and

Signior Phillippo, because he could not catch the Porter, continued

much distempred, fretting and fuming, in regard he could not

comprehend the meaning of the Porters message: but onely surmized,

that Blondello (by the procurement of some body else) had done this in

scorne of him.

  While he remained thus deeply discontented, he espied Blondello

comming towards him, and meeting him by the way, he stept close to

him, and gave him a cruell blow on the face, causing his nose to

fall out a bleeding. Alas Sir, said Blondello, wherefore do you strike

me? Signior Phillippo, catching him by the haire of the head, trampled

his wrought night-cap in the dirt, and his cloke also; when, laying

many violent blowes on him, he said. Villanous Traitor as thou art,

Ile teach thee what it is to enrubinate with Claret, either thy selfe,

or any of thy cupping companions: . ons: Am I a child, to be jested

withall?

  Nor was he more furious in words, then in strokes also, beating

him about the face, hardly leaving any haire on his head, and dragging

him along in the mire, spoyling all his garments, and he not able

(from the first blow given) to speake a word in defence of himselfe.

In the end, Signior Phillippo having extreamly beaten him, and many

people gathering about them, to succour a man so much misused, the

matter was at large related, and manner of the message sending. For

which, they all present, did greatly reprehend Blondello,

considering he knew what kinde of man Philippo was, not any way to

be jested with Blondello in teares constantly maintained, that he

never sent any such message for wine, or intended it in the least

degree: so, when the tempest was more mildly calmed, and Blondello

(thus cruelly beaten and durtied) had gotten home to his owne house,

he could then remember, that (questionles) this was occasioned by

Guiotto.

  After some few dayes were passed over, and the hurts in his face

indifferently cured; Blondello beginning to walke abroade againe,

chanced to meet with Guiotto: who laughing heartily at him, sayde.

Tell me Blondello, how doost thou like the enrubinating Clarret of

Signior Phillippo? As well (quoth Blondello) as thou didst the

Sturgeon and Lampreyes at Messer Corso Donaties. Why then (sayde

Guiotto) let these two tokens continue familiar betweene thee and

me, when thou wouldst bestow such another dinner on mee, then wil I

enrubinate thy nose with a bottle of the same Claret. But Blondello

perceived (to his cost) that hee had met with the worser bargaine, and

Guiotto got cheare, without any blowes: and therefore desired a

peacefull attonement, each of them (alwayes after) abstaining from

flouting one another.