THE FIRST NOVELL

 

        WHEREIN IS DECLARED, THAT VIRGINITY IS VERY HARDLY TO BE

                           KEPT IN ALL PLACES

 

  Massetto di Lamporechio, by counterfetting himselfe to be dumbe,

became a Gardiner in a Monastery of Nunnes, where he had familiar

conversation with them all.

 

  Most worthy Ladies, there wants no store of men and women, that

are so simple, as to credit for a certainty, that so soon as a yong

virgin hath the veile put on hir head, and the black Cowle given to

cover withall, she is no longer a woman, nor more sensible of feminine

affections, then as if in turning Nun, shee became converted to a

stone. And if (perchance) they heard some matters, contrary to their

former perswasion; then they grow so furiously offended, as if one had

committed a most foule and enormous sinne, directly against the course

of Nature. And the torrent of this opinion burries them on so

violently, that they wil admit no leisure to consider, how (in such

a scope of liberty) they have power to doe what they list, yea

beyond all meanes of sufficient satisfying, never remembring how

potent the priviledge of idlenes is, especially when it is backt by

solitude. In like manner, there are other people now, who verily

beleeve, that the Spade and Pickaxe, grosse feeding and labour, do

quench al sensual and fleshly concupiscence, yea, in such as till

and husband the ground, by making them dull, blockish, and (almost)

meere senslesse of understanding. But I will approve (according as the

Queene hath commanded me, and within the compasse of her direction) by

a short and pleasant Tale; how greatly they are abused by errour, that

build upon so weake a foundation.

  Not farre from Alexandria, there was a great and goodly

Monasterie, belonging to the Lord of those parts, who is termed the

Admirall. And therein, under the care and trust of one woman, divers

virgins were kept as recluses, or Nuns, vowed to chastity of life; out

of whose number, the Soldan of Babylon (under whom they lived in

subjection) at every three yeers end, had usually three of these

virgins sent him. At the time wherof I am now to speake, there

remained in the Monastery, no more but eight religious Sisters only,

beside the Lady Abbesse, and an honest poor man, who was a Gardiner,

and kept the Garden in commendable order.

  His wages being small, and he not well contented therewith, would

serve there no longer: but making his accounts even, with the Factotum

or Bayliffe belonging to the house, returned thence to the village

of Lamporechio, being a native of the place. Among many other that

gave him welcom home, was a yong Hebrew pezant of the country, sturdy,

strong and yet comely of person, being named Masset. But because he

was born not farre off from Lamporechio, and had there bin brought

up all his yonger dayes, his name of Masset (according to their vulgar

speech) was turnec to Massetto, and therefore he was usually called

and knowne by the name of Massetto of Lamporechio.

  Massetto, falling in talke with the honest poore man, whose name was

Lurco, demanded of him what services hee had done in the Monasterie,

having continued there so long a time? Quoth Lurco, I laboured in

the Garden, which is very faire and great; then I went to the Forest

to fetch home wood, and cleft it for their Chamber fuell, drawing up

all theyr water beside, with many other toilsome services else: but

the allowance of my wages was so little, as it would not pay for the

shoes I wore. And that which was worst of all, they being all women, I

thinke the divel dwels among g them, for a man cannot doe any thing to

please them. When I have bene busie at my worke in the garden, one

would come and say, Put this heere, put that there; and others would

take the dibble out of my hand, telling me, that I did not performe

any thing well, making me so weary of their continuall trifling, as

I have lefte all busines, given over the Garden, and what for one

mollestation, as also many other; I intended to tarry no longer there,

but came away, as thou seest. And yet the Factotum desired me at my

departing, that if I knew any one who would undertake the aforesaid

labours, I should send him thither, as (indeed) I promised to do:

but let mee fall sicke and dye, before I helpe to send them any.

  When Massetto had heard the words of Lurco, hee was so desirous to

dwell among the Nunnes, that nothing else now hammered in his head:

for he meant more subtilly than poore Lurco did, and made no doubt

to please them sufficiently. Then considering with himselfe, how

best he might bring his intent to effect; which appeared not easily to

bee done. He could question no further therein with Lurco, but onely

demaunded other matter of him, saying: Introth thou didst well

Lurco, to come away from so tedious a dwelling, had he need to be more

then a man that is to live with such women? It were better for him

to dwell among so many divels, because they understand not the tenth

part that womens wily wits can dive into.

  After their conference was ended, Massetto began to beate his

braines how he might compasse to dwell among them, and knowing that he

could wel enough performe all the labours whereof Lurco had made

mention, he cared not for any losse he should sustaine thereby, but

onely stood in doubt of his entertainment, because he was too yong and

sprightly. Having pondered on many imaginations, he said to

himselfe. The place is farre enough distant hence, and none there

can take knowledge of mee; if I have wit sufficient, cleanely to

make them beleeve that I am dumbe, then (questionles) I shal be

received. And resolving to prosecute this determination, he tooke a

Spade on his shoulder, and without revealing to any body whether hee

went, in the disguise of a poore labouring Countryman, he travelled to

the Monastery.

  When he was there arrived, he found the great gate open, and

entering in boldly, it was his good hap to espy the Fac-totum in the

court, according as Lurco had given description of him. Making

signes before him, as if he were both dumbe and deafe; he

manifested, that he craved an Almes for Gods sake, making shewes

beside, that if need required, he could cleave wood, or doe any

reasonable kinde of service. The Factotum gladly gave him food, and

afterward shewed him divers knotty logs of wood, which the weake

strength of Lurco had left uncloven; but this fellow being more active

and lusty, quickly rent them all to pieces. Now it so fell out, that

the Fac-totum must needs go to the Forrest, and tooke Massetto along

with him thither: where causing him to fell divers Trees, by signes he

bad him to the two Asses therewith, which commonly carried home all

the wood, and so drive them to the Monasterie before him, which

Massetto knew well enough how to do, and performed it very

effectually.

  Many other servile Offices were there to bee done, which caused

the Fac-totum to make use of his paines divers other dayes beside;

in which time, the Lady Abbesse chancing to see him, demanded of the

Factotum what he was? Madani (quoth hee) a poore labouring man, who is

both deafe and dumbe, hither he came to crave an almes the other

day, the which in charity I could do no lesse but give him; for which,

hee hath done many honest services about the house. It seemes

beside, that hee hath pretty skill in Gardening, so that if I can

perswade him to continue here, I make no question of his able

services: for the old silly man is gon, and we have need of such a

stout fellow, to do the busines belonging to the Monastery, and one

fitter for the turne, comes sildome hither. Moreover, in regard of his

double imperfections, the Sisters can sustaine no impeachment by

him. Whereto the Abbesse answered, saying; By the faith of my body,

you speake but the truth: understand then, if hee have any knowledge

in Gardening, and whether hee will dwell heere, or no: which

compasse so kindly as you can. Let him have a new paire of shoes, fill

his belly daily full of meate, flatter, and make much of him, for

wee shall finde him worke enough to do. All which, the Fac-totum

promised to fulfill sufficiently.

  Massetto, who was not far off from them all this while, but seemed

seriously busied about sweeping and making cleane the Court, heard all

these speeches; and being not a little joyfull of them; said to

himselfe. If once I come to worke in your Garden, let the proofe yeeld

praise of my skill and knowledge. When the Fac-totum perceived, that

he knew perfectly how to undergo his businesse, and had questioned him

by signes, concerning his willingnesse to serve there still, and

received the like answere also, of his dutifull readinesse thereto; he

gave him order to worke in the Garden, because the season did now

require it; and to leave all other affayres for the Monastery,

attending now onely the Gardens preparation.

  As Massetto was thus about his Garden emploiment, the Nunnes began

to resort thither, and thinking the man to be dumbe and deafe indeede,

were the more lavish of their language, mocking and flowting him

very immodestly, as being perswaded, that he heard them not. And the

Lady Abbesse, thinking he might as well be an Eunuch, as deprived both

of hearing and speaking, stood the lesse in feare of the Sisters

walkes, but referred them to their owne care and providence. On a day,

Massetto having laboured somewhat extraordinarily, lay downe to rest

himselfe awhile under the trees, and two delicate yong Nunnes, walking

there to take the aire, drew neere to the place where he dissembled

sleeping; and both of them observing his comelinesse of person,

began to pitty the poverty of his condition; but much more the

misery of his great defectes. Then one of them, who had a little

livelier spirit then the other, thinking Massetto to be fast

asleepe, began in this manner.

  Sister (quoth she) if I were faithfully assured of thy secrecie, I

would tell thee a thing which I have often thought on, and it may

(perhaps) redound to thy profit. Sister, replyed the other Nun, speake

your minde boldly, and beleeve it (on my Maidenhead) that I will never

reveale it to any creature living. Encouraged by this solemne answere,

the first Nun thus prosecuted her former purpose, saying. I know not

Sister, whether it hath entred into thine understanding or no,

strictly we are here kept and attended, never any man daring to

adventure among us, except our good and bonest Fac-totum, who is

very aged; and this dumbe fellow, maimed, and made imperfect by

nature, and therefore not worthy the title of a man. Ah Sister, it

hath oftentimes bin told me, by Gentlewomen comming hither to visite

us, that all other sweetes in the world, are mockeries, to the

incomparable pleasures of man and woman, of which we are barred by our

unkind parents, binding us to perpetuall chastity, which they were

never able to observe themselves.

  A Sister of this house once told me, that before her turne came to

be sent to the Soldane, she fell in frailty with a man that was both

lame and blinde, and discovering the same to her Ghostly Father in

confession; he absolved her of that sinne; affirming, that she had not

transgressed with a man, because he wanted his rationall and

understanding parts. Behold Sister, heere lyes a creature, almost

formed in the self-same mold, dumbe and deafe, which are two the

most rationall and understanding parts that do belong to any man,

and therefore no Man, wanting them. If folly and frailty would be

committed with him (as many times since hee came hither it hath run in

my minde) hee is by Nature, sworne to such secrecie, that he cannot

(if he would) be a blabbe thereof. Beside, the Lawes and

constitution of our Religion doth teach us, that a sinne so

assuredly concealed, is more then halfe absolved.

  Ave Maria Sister (saide the other Nun) what kinde of words are these

you utter? Doe not you know, that we have promised our virginity to

God? Oh Sister (answered the other) how many things are promised to

him every day, and not one of a thousand kept or performed? If wee

have made him such a promise, and some of our weakerwitted sisters

do performe it for us, no doubt but he will accept it in part of

payment. Yea but Sister, replied the second Nun againe, there is

another danger lying in the way: If we prove to be with childe, how

shall we doe then? Sister (quoth our couragious wench) thou art

affraide of harme before it happen: if it come so to passe, let us

consider on it then: thou art but a Novice in matters of such

moment, we are provided of a thousand meanes, whereby to prevent

conception. Or, if they should faile, we are so surely fitted, that

the world shall never know it. Let it suffice, our lives must not be

by any so much as suspected, our Monastery questioned, or our Religion

rashly scandalized. Thus shee schooled her younger Sister in wit,

albeit as forward as shee in will, and longed as desirouslie, to

know what kinde of creature man was.

  After some other questions, how this intention of theirs might bee

safely brought to full effect: the sprightly Nun that had wit at will,

thus answered. You see Sister (quoth she) it is now the houre of

midday, when all the rest of our sisterhood are quiet in their

Chambers, because we are then allowed to sleep, for our earlier rising

to morning Mattins. Here are none in the Garden now but our selves,

and while I awake him, bee you the watch, and afterward follow mee

in my fortune, for I will valiantly leade you the way. Massetto

immitating a Dogges sleepe, heard all this conspiracie intended

against him, and longed as earnestly till shee came to awake him.

Which being done, he seeming very simple and sottish, and she chearing

him with flattering behaviour: into the close Arbour they went,

which the Sunnes bright eye could not pierce into, and there I leave

it to the Nunnes owne approbation, whether Massetto was a man

rationall, or no. Ill deeds require longer time to contrive, then act;

and both the Nuns having bene with Massetto at this new forme of

confession, were enjoyned (by him) such an easie and silent penance,

as brought them the oftner to shrift, and made him to proove a very

perfect Confessour.

  Desires obtayned, but not fully satisfied, doe commonly urge more

frequent accesse, then wisedome thinkes expedient, or can continue

without discovery. Our two joviall Nunnes, not a little proud of their

private stolne pleasures, so long resorted to the close Arbour, till

another Sister, who had often observed their haunt thither, by

meanes of a little hole in her Window; that shee began to suspect them

with Massetto, and imparted the same to two other Sisters, all three

concluding, to accuse them before the Lady Abbesse. But upon a further

conference had with the Offenders, they changed opinion, tooke the

same oath as the forewomen had done; and because they would be free

from any taxation at all: they revealed their adventures to the

other three ignorants, and so fell all eight into one formall

confederacie, but by good and warie observation, least the Abbesse her

selfe should descry them; finding poore Massetto such plenty of

Garden-worke, as made him verie doubtfull in pleasing them all.

  It came to passe in the end, that the Lady Abbesse who all this

while imagined no such matter, walking all alone in the garden on a

day, found Massetto sleeping under an Almond tree, having then very

litle businesse to doe, because he had wrought hard all the night

before. She observed him to be an hansome man, young, lusty,

well-limbde and proportioned, having a mercifull commisseration of his

dumbenesse and deafenes, being perswaded also in like manner, that

if hee were an Eunuch too, hee deserved a thousand times the more to

be pittied. The season was exceeding hot, and he lay downe so

carelesly to sleepe, that somthing was noted wherein shee intended

to be better resolved, almost falling sicke of the other Nunnes

disease. Having awaked him, she commanded him by signes that he should

follow her to her chamber, where he was kept close so long, that the

Nunnes grew offended, because the Gardiner came not to his daily

labour.

  Well may you imagine that Massetto was no misse-proud man now, to be

thus advanced from the Garden to the Chamber, and by no worse woman

then the Lady Abbesse her selfe: what signes, shews, or what

language he speaks there, I am not able to expresse; onely it

appeared, that his behaviour pleased her so well, as it procured his

daily repairing thether; and acquainted her with such familiar

conversation, as she would have condemned in the Nunnes her daughters,

but that they were wise enough to keepe it from her. Now began

Massetto to consider, that hee had undertaken a taske belonging to

great Hercules, in giving content to so many, and by continuing

dumbe in this maner, it would redound to his no meane detriment.

Whereupon, as he was one night sitting by the Abbesse, the string that

retained his tongue from speech, brake on a sodaine, and thus he

spake.

  Madam, I have often heard it said, that one Cocke may doe service to

ten several Hennes, but ten men can very hardly even with all their

best endeavour, give full satisfaction every way to one woman; and yet

I am tied to content nine, which is farre beyond the compasse of my

power to do. Already have I performed so much Garden and Chamber-work,

that I confesse my selfe starke tired, and can travaile no further,

and therefore let me entreate you to lycense my departure hence, or

finde some meanes for my better ease. The Abbesse bearing him

speake, who had so long ben there stricken into admiration, and

accounting it almost a miracle, said. How commeth this to passe? I

verily beleeved thee to be dumbe. Madam (quoth Massetto) so I was

indeed, but not by Nature; onely I had a long lingering sicknes

which bereft me of speech, and which I have not onely recovered againe

this night, but shal ever remaine thankfull to you for it.

  The Abbesse verily credited his answer, demanding what he meant in

saying, that he did service to nine? Madam, quoth he, this were a

dangerous question, and not easily answered before fore the eight

Sisters. Upon this reply, the Abbesse plainely perceived, that not

onely she had fallen into foll but all the Nunnes likewise cried

guilty too: wherfore being a woman of sound discretion, she would

not grant that Massetto should depart, but to keepe him still about

the Nunnes businesse, because the Monastery should not be

scandalized by him. And the Fac-totum being dead a little before,

his strange recovery of speech revealed, and some things else more

neerely concerning them: by generall consent, and with the good liking

of Massetto, he was created the Fac-totum of the Monasterie.

  All the neighboring people dwelling thereabout, who knew Massetto to

be dumbe, by fetching home wood daily from the Forest, and divers

employments in other places, were made to beleeve, that by the

Nunnes devout prayers and discipline, as also the merite of the Saint,

in whose honour the Monastery was built and erected, Massetto had

his long restrained speech restored, and was now become their sole

Factotum, having power now to employ others in drudgeries, and ease

himselfe of all such labours. And albeit he made the Nunnes to be

fruitfull, by encreasing some store of yonger sisters, yet all matters

were so close and cleanly catried, as it was never talkt of, till

after the death of the Ladie Abbesse, when Massetto beganne to grow in

good yeeres, and desired to returne home to his native abiding,

which (within a while after) was granted him.

  Thus Massetto being rich and olde, returned home like a wealthy

father, taking no care for the nursing of his children, but bequeathed

them to the place where they were bred and borne, having (by his wit

and ingenious apprehension) made such a benefit of his youthfull

yeeres, that now he merrily tooke ease in his age.