Act I
Eucl. (within) Out with you, I say! Come now, out with you! By the Lord, you've got to get out of here, you snook-around,you,with your prying and spying.

Enter Staphyla from Euclio's house, followed by Euclio who is pushing and beating her.

Staph. (groaning) Oh, what makes you go a-hitting a poor wretch like me,sir?

Eucl. (savagely) To make sure you are a poor wretch, so as to give a bad lot the bad time she deserves.

Staph.Why, what did you push me out of the house for now?

Eucl. I give my reasons to you,you, -- you patch of beats,you? Over there with you, (pointing) away from the door! (Staphyla hobbles to place indicated) Just look at her, will you, -- how she creeps along! See here, do you know what'll happen to you? Now by heaven, only let me lay my hand on a club or a stick and I'll accelerate that tortoise crawl for you!

Staph.(aside) Oh, I wish Heaven would make me hang myself,I do! Better that than slaving it for you at this rate, I'm sure.

Eucl. (aside) Hear the old criminal mumbling away to herself,Though! (aloud) Ah! those eyes of yours, you old sinner. By heaven, I'll dig them out for you,I will, so that you can't keep watching me whatever I do. Get farther off still!still farther! still -- Whoa! Stand there! You budge a finger's breadth a nail's breadth from that spot; you so much as turn your head till I say the word, and by the Almighty, the next minute I'll send you to the gallows for a lesson, so I will. (aside) A worse reprobate than this old crone I never did see, no, never. Oh, but how horribly scared I am she'll come some sly dodge on me when I'm not expecting it, and smell out the place where the gold is hidden. She has eyes in the very back of her head, the hellcat. Now I'll just go see if the gold is where I hid it. Dear,dear, it worries the life out of me!

(Exit Euclio into house)

Staph.Mercy me! What's come over master, what crazy streak he's got, I can't imagine, -- driving a poor woman out of the house this way ten times a day,often. Goodness gracious, what whim-whams the man's got in his head I don't see. Never shuts his eyes all night: yes, and then in the daytime he's sitting around the house the whole livelong day, for all the world like a lame cobbler. How I'm going to hide the young mistress's disgrace now is beyond me, and she with her time so near. There's nothing better for me to do, as I see, than tie a rope round my neck and dangle myself out into one long capital I.

Scene 2

Re-enter Euclio from the house.

Eucl. (aside) At last I can feel easy about leaving the house, now I have made certain that everything is all right inside. (to Staphyla) Go back in there this instant,you, and keep watch inside.

Staph.(tartly) I suppose so! So I'm to keep watch inside, am I? You aren't afraid anyone will walk away with the house, are you? I vow we've got nothing else there for the thieves to take --  all full of emptiness as it is, and cobwebs.

Eucl. It is surprising Providence wouldn't make a King Philip or Darius of me for your benefit,you viper,you!(threatingly) I want those cobwebs watched! I'm poor,poor; I admit it, I put up with it; I take what the gods give me. In with you, bolt the door. I shall be back soon. No outsider is to be let in, mind you. And in case anyone should be looking for a light, see you put the fire out so no one will have any reason to come to you for it. Mark my words, if that fire stays alive, I'll extinguish you instantly. And the water --  if anyone asks for water, tell him it's all run out. As for a knife, or an axe, or a pestle, or a mortar, --  things the neighbours are all the time wanting to borrow --  tell 'em burglars got in and stole the whole lot. I won't have a living soul let into my house while I'm gone -- there! Yes, and what's more, listen here, if Dame Fortune herself comes along, don't you let her in.

Staph.Goodness me, she won't get in: she'll see to that herself, I fancy. Why, she never comes to our house at all, no matter how near she is.

Eucl. Keep still and go inside. (advances on her)

Staph.(hurrying out of reach) I'm still,sir, I'm going!

Eucl. Mind you lock the door, both bolts. I'll soon be back.

(Exit Staphyla into house)

It's agony having to leave the house, downright agony. Oh my God, how I do hate to go! But I have my reasons. The director of our ward gave notice he was going to make a present of two shillings a man; and the minute I let it pass without putting in my claim, they'd all be suspecting that I had gold at home, I'm sure they would. No, it doesn't look natural for a poor man to think so little of even a tiny bit of money as no to go ask for his two shillings. Why,even now, hard as I try to keep every one from finding out, it seems as if ever one knew: it seems as if every one has a heartier way of saying good day than they used to. Up they come, and stop, and shake hands, and keep asking me how I'm feeling, and how I'm getting on, and what I'm doing. Well, I must get along to where I'm bound; and then I'll come back home just as fast as I possibly can.

(Exit Euclio)